Calder blew air out of his nose. “Stop saying that. How can you not see how fucking special you are? I’ve wanted you since the minute I laid eyes on you and not because you were forbidden fruit and not because you were some innocent little virgin. You are the most beautiful person I’ve ever met, inside and out. You live in the most shallow place in the world, yet you somehow manage to stay sweet and gentle. You adopt unadoptable dogs, and you stay friends with a person even after they hurt you, and you say what’s on your mind even when you’re terrified. People like you never really existed in my world, and I have no idea how we got here but this is where I want to be. You are who I want. Just you. Only you.”
Robby’s mouth was suddenly bone dry. “I just want you too.”
Calder kissed his head and gently pushed him away, his spent cock slipping free of Robby uncomfortably. “Let’s get cleaned up.”
Calder removed his jeans which were still caught around his thighs before helping Robby step free of his clothes. Once they were under the water, the steam in the shower all but choking Robby, Calder’s mood shifted. He rested his forearms against the tile, his forehead pressed against his hands. Robby silently took the washcloth and began to clean Calder, careful not to linger for too long anywhere. When he finished with that task, he washed himself quickly before grabbing the shampoo and lathering Calder’s hair. Calder didn’t speak, just allowed Robby to shift him under the spray to rinse his head. When they were clean, the water began to turn cool and then frigid. Robby attempted to turn the water off, but Calder snagged his wrists, gently pushing him towards the shower door. Robby frowned but didn’t argue. He just dried himself off, giving Calder one last look before he walked out.
Robby pulled on a pair of blue and white striped boxer briefs and sat on the bed facing the bathroom door. He didn’t know what else to do. He wanted to give Calder his space but he wanted to be there if he needed him.
Calder finally emerged twenty minutes later with a towel around his narrow hips, his long hair free and still wet enough for huge fat droplets to slide down his chest and belly before disappearing into the white cotton fabric of the towel. He stopped short when he saw Robby, and for a split second, he felt like the earth stopped spinning. Would he ask Robby to go? Then Calder stumbled forward, dropping to his knees on the floor in front of Robby, burying his head in his lap. Robby’s arms came around him automatically, his heart squeezing.
“You’re freezing, baby,” he whispered, grabbing the blanket from the end of the bed and wrapping it around Calder’s shoulders.
Calder didn’t speak, just snaked his arms around Robby’s waist. Freezing water seeped through the thin material of Robby’s underwear, but he didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything but Calder who clung to Robby like he was a life raft. He folded himself over Calder like a shield, wanting to hide him from all of this but knowing that he couldn’t. All he could do was offer him a safe place to grieve. “You can fall apart, you know. I’m okay. You don’t have to stay strong for me or whatever.”
For a second, Robby thought maybe Calder would choose to ignore him, but then his shoulders started to shake and a jagged howl escaped, almost like a wounded animal, shattering Robby’s heart into a million pieces. Tears slid down his cheeks as he did his best to just hang onto Calder as huge wracking sobs shook his body.
He didn’t know how long they stayed like that, long enough for Calder to run out of tears.
“What was she like?” Robby asked when they finally moved from the floor to the bed and he was snuggled close under Calder’s chin.
Calder gave a sad smile, shaking his head. “I thought she was my mother until I was four. She was always carrying me around and wouldn’t let me do a thing for myself. My mom said I was slow to walk or talk ‘cause Megan did it all for me. She was super bossy, and she always had to be right. When I would have nightmares, she wouldn’t let me sleep with her ‘cause she said I needed to learn to be brave. Instead, I’d just wait ‘til she fell asleep and then go to sleep under her bed. But when Jamie Ryan shoved me off the school bus and broke my front tooth, Megan threatened to kick his big brother’s ass in retaliation since she couldn’t beat up a little kid. She read to me a lot. She would take me out in her car and we’d go driving up and down desolate roads, listening to Bon Jovi and Poison. She was a really good sister.”
“She loved you. None of what happened to her was your fault. You know that, right?” Robby told him.
It seemed like such an obvious thing to say, but Calder hugged him closer, dropping a kiss on his head. “Logically, I know that. But when my head gets quiet, my brain takes over and I think of all the ways she must have suffered at the hands of those monsters, the things they made her do. If I had just stayed with the Rangers, maybe I could have done something to at least take that fucker Elizer down. How many other girls were taken after I left? How many girls could I have helped?”
“Calder…” Robby pressed his lips against Calder’s jaw. “You are pretty amazing, but you can’t single-handedly stop human trafficking. Like most evil things, when you chop off one monster’s head, another three grow back in its place. You couldn’t help Megan but you help keep people who are alive every day. People like me.”
Calder nodded. “I know, angel. I just need to wallow in it for a bit.”
“You can wallow as much as you want. I’ll stay right here and wallow too.” Robby said.
Once more, Calder squeezed him tightly. “Thanks, angel.”
Calder woke to a tongue licking his chin and a warm body sleeping with an arm and leg thrown over him and a pool of drool on his chest. He forced his eyes open, raising his arm to pat Cas’s scraggly tufted head, before gazing down at Robby. Sometimes, just looking at the boy overwhelmed him. He had no idea how he’d somehow earned Robby’s affection. Calder had no illusions about who he was and the things he’d done in his life. He was wholly unworthy of Robby’s heart, and there was probably somebody better out there for the boy, somebody without baggage, somebody his own age. But Calder was just selfish enough to not care. He wasn’t letting Robby go, not as long as he wanted to be there.
Cas whined and Calder shushed him, gently untangling himself from Robby before scooping up their ragamuffin dog. Throwing on black sweatpants and a t-shirt, he carried him into the kitchen under his arm like a football. After starting some coffee, he then went to grab his leash, taking the dog downstairs to the little patch of grass behind the building to let him do his business.
At the top of the stair landing, he heard Tupac blasting from the bedroom and then Robby’s sleep soaked voice muttered, “‘ello?”
Calder dropped Cas’s food in his dish and then wandered back into the bedroom. Robby sat cross-legged on the bed, nodding along with whatever the person on the other end was saying. When he saw Calder, his eyes went wide like he was receiving life altering news. Calder dropped down beside him, and Robby leaned closer, maybe so Calder could hear the voice on the phone or maybe just because he needed to hang onto something.
Calder carefully took the phone away, noting it was Robby’s lawyer before he hit the speaker button, catching the man mid-sentence. “—told me this before you went to the Feds. We could have used this for leverage.”
“It’s Calder. Leverage for what? What’s happening?”
“I was just telling Robby that he should have brought his sister to me first, not the ATF. We could have used her information as a bargaining chip to get them to drop the charges against Robby.”
How did Stanton know about that? “We didn’t take her to the ATF. We haven’t even spoken to the ATF. How do you even know about that?”
“I get paid to know these things,” the older man said vaguely. “Luckily for you, it seems you have all kinds of powerful friends. I didn’t think the Edgeworth family had any clout left after what Montgomery pulled, but they clearly still know some pretty powerful people. Your friend’s grandmother plays bridge with the District Attorney’s Aunt Margo.”
Calder cut his eyes to Robby who shrugged as if he had no idea what any of this meant.
Calder squeezed Robby’s hand. “Bottom line it for us. Are they charging him or not?”
“Not. The DA suddenly doesn’t think there’s enough to charge Robby. Honestly, I don’t think there was ever really a chance, but they didn’t want to look like they were giving special favors to a celebrity. Appearances and all that. LA County does have a reputation.”
