“Uh, I would not put it that way, but yeah, I guess so.”
“How do you know how to behave around people? How do you know which mask to put on for which person?” Elijah didn’t answer, just began to run a finger along Shep’s chest and belly. “You read them, right? You can tell by their expressions, their tone, their posture. I watch you do it all the time. It’s fascinating, like meeting somebody who knows the same secret language I do. I had to learn how to read people. But you, you’re a natural.”
“Thanks,” Elijah said, tone sulky.
Shep frowned. “I said something wrong, didn’t I?”
“You told me I was a fake.”
“No, I said you have a gift for reading people. That’s no easy task. We are both very good at hiding who we are. For the same reason, I’d guess.”
“What reason is that?” Elijah asked.
“Self-preservation. You give people what they want so they don’t look too closely beneath the surface and see how deeply you feel things. I do the same so they don’t see how little I feel. But we both do it for the same reason.”
“The first time we met, when I was in the pool. That wasn’t the ‘real’ you, was it? That was the Shep the rest of the world sees. You were kind of an asshole.”
“I was only playing off of you. You were being a brat.”
Elijah’s shoulders rose and fell like he was laughing, but then he asked, “Why did you stop pretending with me?”
That question was easy to answer. “Because I knew it was the only way you’d stop hiding.”
This time Elijah looked up, his eyes practically silver in the dim light. “Oh, I’m still hiding.”
Shep pushed a damp piece of Elijah’s hair off his forehead. “I never want you to hide from me.”
“Everybody hides something. Nobody is completely honest with the people in their lives. We all have secrets.”
“What is it you’re still hiding from me, rabbit?”
Elijah shook his head. “I couldn’t tell you even if I wanted to.”
“Why is that?”
It was a great question, but one with a complicated answer. “I spent ten years of my life trying so hard to forget the worst thing that ever happened to me, but each time a name would creep into my head and destroy my walls, so I convinced myself that the name was the key. If I never said the name, I’d be safe. I turned it into a monster and I never stopped running. I don’t know if I could force myself to say it now even if you tried to torture it out of me.”
Shep’s brows went up, and he leaned down to capture Elijah’s mouth in a kiss. “Careful, I just might.”
He was close enough to see the way Elijah’s pupils dilated at his words. He grinned. “Do you like that thought, rabbit? Do you want me to tie you up and force you to tell me all your deep dark secrets?”
Elijah shivered. “I thought you said you wouldn’t hurt me,” he murmured, not sounding the least bit afraid.
He dragged his teeth along Elijah’s collar bone. “It’s like I said, it’s not always about pain. I don’t need pain to make you spill your secrets.”
The boy shuddered, his pink tongue darting out to wet his lower lip. “Just pressure? You think you know me well enough to make me crack?”
“Just say the word, rabbit, and we’ll find out.”
Elijah shook his head, turning away from Shep. For a moment, Shep thought he’d ruined everything, but then Elijah looked over his shoulder at him. “Snuggle me.”
“What?”
Elijah rolled his eyes, even as his cheeks flushed, grabbing Shep’s arm and tugging until he realized what Elijah wanted. Shep rolled to his side and Elijah wiggled his way back until his cheek rested on Shep’s bicep and his back pressed to Shep’s chest.
“I’m sleeping in here with you tonight.”
Shep buried his nose in Elijah’s hair pressing a kiss against his head without thought. “Okay, rabbit.”
