“You’re not into him?” Charlie asked, her disappointment clear. “Wait, you blew him or he blew you?”
Elijah side-eyed her hard. “Seriously?”
She gave him a wan smile. “You should know me by now. So come on, were you giving or receiving?”
Elijah sighed. “Receiving.”
“And?”
Elijah closed his eyes, body tingling. “It was... amazing. Like, the man could suck a golf ball through a garden hose… but it was also… weird.”
Charlie rolled to her side, propping her head on her hand, practically salivating. “Weird how? Like kinky weird or ‘it puts the lotion in the basket’ weird?”
He rolled his eyes. “Weird like unexpected.”
She frowned a bit at that. “I have like six years of anecdotal evidence that says unexpected blowjobs are a good thing. No? Did you not want it? He didn’t like force himself on you, right?” The quiet menace in her words had him shaking his head.
Elijah wanted to scream in frustration. He had no idea how to explain his neuroses out loud. “Of course not. I wanted it. I wanted him. I dowant him. That’s not it. He’s just… he’s just so hard to read. I don’t know who to be around him, and, now that sex is involved, I sort of want to crawl into a hole and hide.”
Charlie snorted, making a face. “Here’s a novel idea… maybe just be yourself?”
He shook his head. “Believe me, nobody wants that.”
“How would you even know? Have you ever bothered to ask him?”
Elijah never asked questions if he didn’t already know the answer, not with his personal life. Not that he had much of a personal life. “No. Every time I’m in the same room with him I get all nervous and act like a total dweeb. It’s not the same when we’re on the phone together.”
“You talk on the phone together? When? Like isn’t he like your twenty-four-seven bodyguard?”
Elijah’s cheeks grew warm. “At night. When I can’t sleep.”
Charlie’s expression morphed into the same face she made when she sawpuppies or kittens. “You talk on the phone together from different rooms? Oh, my God. That’s so cute I might vomit up a rainbow.”
“This is why I prefer to talk to Wyatt.”
“Wyatt would demand all the dirty details of your kitchen exploits.”
“Exactly.”
Charlie rolled her eyes this time. “What do you guys talk about on the phone?”
“Everything. Nothing. Just whatever comes to mind.”
“Things you wouldn’t ask him face to face?”
“Maybe? I don’t know what’s wrong with me. When we’re in the same room together, I’m constantly trying to figure out where his head is at, what he wants from me and how to give it to him, but he only seems to have two settings, completelyblank or wolf-who-wants-to-swallow-me-whole. I hate not knowing what he’s thinking. I hate not being able to adjust. I know that makes me sound crazy, but it’s self-preservation, Charlie. Being a chameleon is way easier than just putting it all out there.”
Charlie leaned in. “Are you yourself on the phone?”
Elijah nodded. “Yeah.”
“Does he seem uninterested? He hasn’t stopped talking to you. Hasn’t asked Linc to reassign him. Hasn’t stopped answering when you call. Hell, he just blew you in the kitchen.” She stopped short. “Wait. Why did he blow you in the kitchen? What started it?”
“He said he didn’t know how to read me because I was always changing—he used the word recalibrating. He said he wanted me to be happy and that he’d give me anything I wanted if I just told him what it was.” Saying the words out loud made Elijah’s whole body warm. It was the first time Shep’s words seemed to penetrate.
Charlie’s brows shot upward. “That’s… intense. And you said you wanted a blowjob, and he dropped to his knees to deliver? Sounds like you hold all the power in this situation. Seems he’s halfway in love with you already. It’s all very Hollywood.”
“I didn’t ask for a blowjob. It’s complicated. He says he can’t… feel things like normal people. He says… I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. This is crazy. I’m crazy. This will never work. He’s twice my age. He can’t read me, and I can’t read him. I have never had a relationship before, and I guarantee you he hasn’t either. I think he…” he dropped his voice to a whisper. “I think he might be a virgin.”
