45.My Heart Isn’t Beating
Her scream – it was so achingly guttural that it stunned me in place. It was a sound so foreign that I could do nothing,feelnothing but its echo in my ears as I looked at her.
And, when our eyes met, when her tears slid down her flushed cheeks, I saw the fear, affliction, struggle, and slight confusion on her face, that not only made me stumble forward a bit, but also made me want to tear through everything I was enduring – deep inside my clawing chest.
But it was when her lips shook as she tried to signal something to me through her trembling hands, that I snapped out of my brief numb-fest; that I actually realized what had happened.
She’d tripped on a broken tile, and the faulty bookshelf had fallen on her before I could stop it, or comprehend what the fuck was even happening.
A sob hitched out of Rina and reverberated across the low-lit room, and my stomach began to clench; my palms began to sweat.
And my heart – it might as well have stopped beating; my lungs may as well have stopped drawing in air. But it wasn’t like I cared anymore, not whenshewas suffering…
46. Not Your Fault
“What the fuck happened?” Taron asked frantically as him, Greg, and Paul rushed into the room. “We were outside and heard a scream.” They stopped, though, and stared at me on my knees next to Rina, with my phone to my ear, and her stuck under the bookshelf.
“Jesus Christ,” Greg whispered. All color had drained from his face.
“Can you please send them over as fast as you can,” I pleaded with the 911 operator. “Please.” I was shaking, but I didn’t give a fuck.
“Sir, our paramedics and rescue squad should reach you within two minutes. The teams closest to you have already been dispatched. Now, I can only ask you to relax and stay close to your girlfriend, but kindly donottouch anything. Can you do that for me?”
I nodded, then said, “Yeah. Yes, yeah.” I disconnected the call and slid my phone into my back pocket before gently placing a hand over Rina’s.
“Baby…” I almost choked on the word, and she turned her head before weakly twining her muddy fingers with mine.
“Myles…” Paul walked towards me. “Bro, what happened?” He looked shaken to the core, and rightfully so.
I gave the three of them a quick rundown of the accident, and felt Rina’s hand twitch in mine once I was done.
Taron and Greg marched over to the fallen bookshelf, but I whipped my head at them before they could touch it. “Don’t!”
They halted and looked confusingly at me.
“Her ankle is most probably broken,” I said to them, then swallowed. “If you lift the bookshelf with the wrong amount of force, there’s a strong chance it’ll worsen the injury.”
Their faces paled as they blinked at Rina, then at me, just as the sound of blaring sirens echoed in the street outside.
“I’ll go get them,” Paul said, then ran downstairs.
“I’m right here, okay?” I told Rina. “The rescue team will get you out, but I’m righthere.” I squeezed her hand. “I’m here, alright?”
She whimpered softly, and I felt a lump form in my throat at that weak response.
Paul rushed back in, followed by three firefighters and two paramedics.
I reluctantly let go of Rina’s hand and got to my feet, and all but stumbled at the sudden heaviness in my head.
“Whoa, hey.” Taron grabbed me from behind. “Myles, hey. You okay?”
I nodded. I felt like I was floating; I felt fucking weightless.
I watched helplessly as the firefighters used cables to steady the bookshelf before slowly lifting it off of Rina, while the paramedics sat on either side of her, checking her pulse first, and then her head for any possible injuries.
Taron and the guys looked at me, and I knew what they were thinking. They didn’t even have to voice the words, because I knew exactly what they wanted to tell me: We should have discarded the faulty bookshelf and started working on the flooring instead of wasting time on something we knew was a huge liability, to begin with.
And ithadproven true to its nature, hadn’t it? It had ended up hurting theoneperson I didn’t want getting hurt by it.
