“Where are you?” I asked him. “It’s so dark that I can barely see you.”
“Where do you think?” The camera angle moved, and I saw a familiar hearth behind Daniel’s smug face.
“Ah, you’re atVila do Açaí.”
“But of course, buttercup. Who else is going to bake all the cupcakes and breads, if not yours truly?” He took a seat in front of the hearth and lifted a brow. “But anywho, what’s up with you? You look like you’ve seen Cruz without his pants on.”
Cruz, who was also in the baking room, spat a curse at Daniel, resulting in us both to laugh.
“I need your help in picking pads for Rina,” I told Daniel.
I heard him gasp, and in the distance, Cruz muttered, “Lord, please take me now.”
“Scandalous, aren’t you?” Daniel mused.
“Trydesperate,” I countered, and then sighed. “Look, I have no idea how this works. You have a wife, Daniel; I’m sure you know about–” I stopped when I realized his phone was on speaker. “Wait, can Mr. Ribeiro hear me right now?!”
Oh God, oh God, oh fuck-me-sideways God.
Daniel clicked his tongue. “No. He’s out having lunch with Remi’s grandfather. You’re safe, don’t worry.”
I ran a hand through my hair. “Okay, but can you tell me which pad to get Rina so that I can leave this fucking aisle already?”
A woman and a little girl were passing me by, but stopped briefly to give me the stink eye before continuing on their way.
Great. Just what I needed: looks full of murderous intent.
“Get an all-night pack,” came Daniel’s voice. “That’s the safest option.”
I looked around the groups and subgroups of packets, and my eyes finally landed on a black box with the moon and the stars printed on it. There was a fluffy bunny sleeping on top of the moon, and the packaging claimed the following:
All Night Protection. 100% absorbent. 0% leaks guaranteed. Gel lock.
Bingo! Jackpot! Hallelujah!
I was about to grab the massive box, but stopped when I saw…
Size: S
I groaned in defeat. “You havegotto be shitting me.”
“What’s wrong?” Daniel asked.
“There’s a size selection for these as well,” I muttered as I glared at the boxes. I needed a breathing bag. Or a stress ball. Or a hammer so that I could destroy this entire fucking aisle.
“Uh…” Daniel scratched his jaw. “Look, you’re going to have to figure that out on your own. Or, maybe you could simply ask Rina. But please donotexpect me to tell you an estimated size of her vagina. I’m too young to die from a coronary.”
I scowled at him, to which he pressed his lips together and gave me a shrug.
I sighed and glanced at the bunny-pads once more. Uttering a silent prayer to the guy high above, I grabbed the box that saidMunder the size column, and threw it into my cart.
“Yay! You did it!” Daniel cheered, and I realized that the video call was still going.
“I don’t know how your wife deals with you,” I told him as I walked out of the women’s section. “You’re like a heartburn with a face. It’s annoying.”
I heard Cruz’s laughter in the background as Daniel stared at me with his mouth hung open.
“What? Cat got your tongue?” I mused as I entered the chocolate aisle.
