I sighed, and felt the snow crunch under my boots as I shifted a little.
Greg and Paul were working together now, moving the boxes and plies at a much-relaxed pace than before.
I swallowed and looked at my brother again, and when I saw the softness in his gaze, I relented and told him about yesterday.
“I really like her, man,” I said. “I hardly even know her, but it’s like she’s become the center of something worth looking forward to for me, and yet, she’s also something I can’t have.”
Taron’s eyebrows almost reached his hairline, and his beard started moving in kind of an uncomfortable manner as he worked his jaw left and right.
“Yo, boss, can you come here, please? We need your help with somethin’,” said Paul.
“Coming,” I told him, and then shrugged at Taron. “So, there’s that. Back to work for us. You good to grab our equipment from the office?”
Taron nodded. “Yeah, I’ll get them and be back in fifteen.”
“Perfect.” I turned and began jogging over to Paul and Greg.
“Myles?”
I stopped and faced my brother. “Yeah.”
He smiled at me. “Just wanted to tell you that if you start living your life under someone else’s expectation meter – someone who you barely know, despite their trust in you – then you’re not exactly living your life like it’s supposed to be lived. I’m not asking you to disrespect or disregard Miguel and histragic past, but know that you’re just as much entitled to doing what you want as he is. Carina, too, to be honest. She didn’t choose to take a step forward just to have you backing out; that’s not how things work, bro. If she’s willing to take the risk, then so should you. That’s all.”
I swallowed as I mulled over his words. He was right, of course, but he didn’t have the same perspective on things as I did. We both thought things through very differently. It’s why he’s always been so carefree, and I’ve always functioned under the fear of screwing shit up.
I smiled back at him. “Thanks, Taron,” I told him honestly. Because I really was thankful for everything he’d said. At least he understood where I was coming from, even if his approach at resolving the issue was a spontaneous one.
He shrugged. “No problem. Oh hey, you want an espresso macchiato or somethin’? I’m feeling really hollow after only a single cup of coffee since I woke up.”
I chuckled. “That’d be great, yeah.”
Taron grinned. “Cool. I’ll grab a few on the way back. See ya in a bit.”
I nodded. “Love ya, man.”
His eyes lit up at that. “Love you.”
With a nod, I turned and followed the guys inside the house. I’d only just crossed the threshold, though, when Carina came down the stairs wearing nothing but a thin, blue t-shirt dress with pink roses all over it. Her hair was a wavy mess; her feet were bare. And, as she touched them to the carpet, she looked up and smiled at me.
With everything inside me, I wanted to grab her and kiss her waiting lips.
With everything inside me, I wanted to fucking burst into flames for this woman, and that’s a scary notion because I’d only met her yesterday.
And, with everything inside me, I wanted to stay glued to the same spot so that I wouldn’t end up accidentally doing either of the above things. So, I did just that, and saw as Carina’s expression morphed to one of confusion.
She jerked her head upwards when she reached me, and instinctively, I took a step back.
This close, the hurt on her face was clearly visible, and so was the silver that immediately lined her eyes upon my action.
“I can’t,” I told her. “I really can’t, I’m sorry.”
She blinked, and I watched as a single tear slid onto her right upper cheek and stayed there.
She bent and grabbed a discarded marker from the coffee table, and then looked around for something to write on.
I snatched a little diary out of my coat and handed it to her, and as she took it from me – anger riding her beautiful features – I waited for her to jot down every possible curse under my name, but what she instead wrote was:
Why?
