Now, wasn’tthata new comic plot?
What the fuck, Zaira? Are you out of your Indian mind?
“Watch out!” Gall called, just as the rat jumped on the couch and stood next to me.
I tried to scream, but couldn’t.
I tried to move back, but my legs didn’t work.
I was dead for sure.
I was reliving the moment of my death.
God, I just hope that it was a quick and painless end. Please, God, I–
“Zaira,” came Gall’s voice, and when I looked at him, he made a shooing gesture with a hand. “Scare it off so it can go out the open window – just like we’d planned.”
What?
“What?” I asked like the moron that I was.
He eyed me suspiciously. “Is there an audio strike in your ears?”
I scowled. “You’re acting like a douche.”
He shook his head. “Just…” He took a step forward, and the action alerted the rat, because its ears perked, and in a rush, it climbed on one of my sneakers.
“Oh God!” I was ice-cold; I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. “Don’t kill me;pleasedon’t kill me.”
“Zaira, it won’t–”
“I still have so much to do in life,” I said between a dramatic sob. “I wanna be a bestselling author; I wanna have my own publishing house.” I sniffed and ran the back of my hand under my nose. “I haven’t even tried anal sex! I wanna know what that feels like, especially under the stars.
I wanna take a pregnancy test at least once in my life. I wanna spank a stripper, and I also wanna get mugged in Vegas.
I wanna eat a banana in space, live in the Atlantic and have a pet puffin.
I wanna kidnap a celebrity and go all Kathy Bates Misery on them, and I wanna go to a drag show just so I can scream “YASSSSS, QUEEN,” at the top of my lungs. I can’t…I can’t die before I’ve done any of that!”
Gall’s mouth hung open. “Why are some of your wishes so disturbing?”
I ignored him, and then looked down at the rat. “Be a dear and get off my shoe. Pretty fuckingplease.”
It cocked its head and looked up at me. There was some heavy eye contact there, folks; I’m telling you.
It wasintense.
Like the one between Vin Diesel and Dwayne Johnson. Except, you know, neither I nor the rat were bald.
A loudCLAP!sounded from ahead, and just like that, the rat squeaked and ran out the window.
Gall climbed on the couch and slid the window’s glass door shut. “Come on; get down,” he said, and then offered me a hand before getting off the couch.
I didn’t place my hand in his. “Why did you do that? We were having a moment there,” I told him after stepping down.
His lips twitched. “You’re weirdly adorable, you know that?”
I rolled my eyes. “And you’re a great liar; an outstanding actor.”
