I closed my eyes and tried to focus on the clock behind me.
Tick,tick.
Tick,tick.
Tick–
“Zaira?”
I snapped my eyes open. “What?” I said loudly, but immediately regretted my tone. “I’m sorry,” I said with a frown.
With a neutral expression on her delicate face, Dr. Hill placed a hand over my knee. “It’s okay.” She sighed. “Do you miss Gallan, Zaira?”
“Why do you wanna know?” I whispered as I scanned her face. “Just…why?”
“Do you think you’ve lost him?” she asked, ignoring my question.
I clenched my jaw when it tingled, and sucked in a breath when emotions numbed my skin.
I had lost Gallan, hadn’t I? By pushing him away for my own selfish reasons, I’d lost the one human being who meant the entire fucking world to me. I’d hurt him, angered him, and driven him away from me. And now that he’d finally given me what I wanted, I couldn’t live with it. I couldn’tacceptit.
Gallan’s absence hollowed my rationales and clawed at my decision of self-preservation. It drowned me in a pool of loneliness and regret – regret of letting him walk away and not standing up for our love, our beliefs.
Our connection.
I was a fucking coward.
“Yes,” I finally braved answering Dr. Hill. “Yes, I think I’ve lost him.” I shook my head. “Actually, IknowI’ve lost him.” My vision blurred, and even before I knew it, I was crying.
I’d done what I had forme, and yet, I had only healed physically, not mentally.
Notinternally.
Dr. Hill handed me a couple of tissues. “Has he severed all contact?” she asked slowly.
I nodded, and pushed my hair back before wiping my nose.
“You knew this would happen?”
I looked at her again. “Yes.”
“And yet you stood your ground and decided to end things with him.”
I dumped the soiled tissues in the bin behind the sofa. “I did.”
“Why did you do it?”
“Because I thought that if I kept him away from me, then the things that have happened to me would not repeat themselves. I blamed him for everything. I…” I ran the back of my hand under my nose.
Dr. Hill let go of a long breath. “Do you regret your decision of letting him go?”
I sniffed and shrugged. “I don’t know.” I pulled my glasses off and wiped my eyes with the sleeve of my hoodie. “I wanna go home,” I said shakily. “Can I please go home?”
“Will you be okay to drive?” Dr. Hill asked.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine.”
Will I be?
