Did she not know how much she meant to me?
Because if she did, then she wouldn’t have kept me away from her for so long.
“Hey…” I began awkwardly, and then glanced down at her right leg – at the cast wrapped around her ankle. “You okay? How’s your leg n–”
“Why are you here?” she asked, cutting me off.
“Why are you doing this, Zaira?” I really fucking wanted to know, because the way she was looking at me, and the tone she was using – it was hurting me.
“Why are you here, Gallan?” she asked again, but this time with anger in her voice.
Seriously?
I gritted my teeth and stepped forward, which brought us closer. “I’m here because I wanna know what the hell is going on, Zaira,” I said. “I’m here because I wanna know why you’re ignoring me like this.”
She trained her eyes on the wall behind me and refused to say anything.
I placed a forearm against her doorframe and leaned in a little. “Talk to me.Please.”
She glanced at me, but then turned her gaze to the floor. “I think I made myself very clear that night when I told you I couldn’t do this anymore.”
The weight of her words hit me like a downpour of bricks.
“You’re not really looking at me while you say that, just like you weren’t really looking at me that night when you said those words in the ambulance.”
She closed her eyes and shook her head. “Gallan…”
“Why don’t you want me anymore?” I questioned. “Why don’t you fucking want me anymore, huh, Zaira? What did I do? What did I…” I looked away from her and pushed my hair back. “I didn’t doanythingwrong…”
She whipped her head at me, and glared at me with a clenched jaw. “You’re the reason why I was targeted, Gallan Underwood,” she practically spat the words at me. “You’re the reason why things have changed in my life to the point where nothing feels like it used to before. You’re the reason why Aubrey did what she did to me, and you’re the reason why I’ve gained unnecessary attention from the media and social creeps.” She sniffed and adjusted her glasses. “You can’t say you’ve done nothing wrong, because youhave. By making us public, you ruined my normalcy for me. By promoting me and including me in your glamorous lifestyle, you made me vulnerable to those who worship you and detest everyone who gets to bewithyou.” She swiped the sleeve of her hoodie under her nose. “I shouldn’t have walked into your trailer all those months ago,” she whispered. “I shouldn’t have let you keep me there; I shouldn’t have let you sing for me, get to know me, or even kiss me. But most of all, I shouldn’t have approached you with a copy of my book. I shouldn’t have let Kenzie talk me into doing it. I should’ve continued to stay on the sidelines; I shouldn’t have let my heart guide me in this.” Her chin trembled, and a moment later, she began crying. “I just…I can’t…” She continued to cry before me.
I stepped away from her as if she’d gut-punched me. She might as well have, because everything she’d said was a fatal blow toeverythingI believed in.
I know a heart has no bones, but in that moment, after hearing every one of Zaira’s words, and seeing the tears in her eyes, I realized that it was possible to brutally fracture it, if not break it completely.
I was angry, upset, shocked, fuckingdevastated. It felt as if every last one of my veins were being pinched with the way my body was aching; with the way I felt powerless and useless standing in front of her.
“So that’s it, then, huh?” I managed to say. “This is it? This is the end?”
She didn’t answer me, and kept looking at the floor. Her tears were a constant, and did nothing but cause me more pain.
“You just slapped every last one of my beliefs, Zaira,” I began. My voice was thick, and it was so damn hard for me to speak with a lump in my throat. “Every moment we spent together. Every touch, kiss, and laughter we shared. You threw it all away, and why? Because of Aubrey? Because of her tricks to separate us?” I scoffed. “You did exactly what she wanted you to, and even thoughshe’sthe one who paid the price for her actions, it isuswho lost.Wefell apart.Weweren’t strong enough to come out of the whole thing unharmed. Andyou, Zaira,” I pointed a finger at her, “didn’t think I was worthshit, because you gave up on me and my love for you like it meant nothing at all to you. You gave up on everything we were and everything we had. You just…gave up.”
She looked at me with misty eyes, but still didn’t say anything.
“I don’t regret you,” I said to her. “I was honored to have read your book; honored to have been a muse for it. You’re so fucking talented, and I’m glad you gave me a copy of your book.” I ran a hand over my jaw. “I don’t regretanything. I don’t regret lying to you about my phone’s signal that night just so I could keep you in my trailer for longer. I don’t regret singing for you. I don’t regret kissing you, fucking you, calling you mine.” I released air through my lips and blinked when my eyes burned with unshed tears. “And most of all, I don’t regret falling in love with you. Because Zaira?”
She swallowed and continued to look at me.
I took half a step forward, and then three full steps back, making her flinch a little.
“You’re the best damn thing to haveeverhappened to me,” I told her in complete honesty. “You’re the very air I breathe. You make me happy –trulyhappy. You complete me. And even though I’m a mistake to you, you will forever be the very essence that brought my soul to life.” With a final glance at her tearstained face, I let the very last piece of my heart fall at her feet before turning around and walking away from her.
