Nick's eyes opened a little wider. "Waffling?"
Katie's smile took him back in time when she would have a sweet little secret that she'd tell him over a bowl of frosted flakes. "Ruth used it and explained that it wasn't just about gooey morning goodness."
Nick nodded.
Ruth was becoming a larger part of their lives than ever before.
But Katie was right, there was more they had to find out about Ruth. It wasn't a trust issue. No, Ruth was as trustworthy as people come these days.
If she wasn't... If he had any doubts whatsoever, he would never leave Katie alone with her.
He wouldn't have brought her into Katie's life.
Nick reached out a hand and touched the top of Katie's head like he used to when she was little. He'd gently pass his hand over her hair, just a little bit above her hair so he could feel the little hairs tickling his palms.
"I think you and I have to look at this from the perspective of how long we plan to have her in our lives."
Katie reeled back a little, her mouth turned down in a slight frown. "What do you mean?"
"Well..." Nick shook his head trying to find the words to explain. He decided that he should stumble through it out loud. He might get lucky and find the right words.
Ha! Right.
"You and I are a good pair. At least I think so."
"Duh! Of course we are, dad!" Katie shook her head at him, but she was smiling at him. Her eyes warm with love. So much like her mom that it was one of the best reminders of his wife.
She was so much of her mom that he knew he needed to try to preserve those parts of her and still, let her grow. Nick had learned a long time ago from a family therapist that decidingthings for Katie when it came to her thoughts and emotions was a big NOPE.
As a dad before, he was gone most of the day at work. He came home and got to play with Katie. Her own personal jungle gym. The pony that took her out in the backyard and sometimes, when she wanted to hear stories that needed deeper voices, that was left to him.
There were many times that he'd wanted more but he was lost about how to offer it. How to volunteer beyond the schedule they'd fallen into.
Oh, he didn't fault Katie's mother at all. She was a loving, thoughtful woman. An incredible mother.
It had been so easy to let things fall into place the way they had.
Neither of them had expected that they'd... that one of them would die before Katie was grown up and on her own.
But life had no guarantees.
That was probably the crux of his worries.
"Thinking about it," he let out a low, slow breath, "part of the reason why I think... I feel like I want us to hold onto Ruth so tightly... so quickly... is because we lost your mom so-"
"Unexpectedly." Katie's voice was barely a whisper, but he heard it clearly.
He heard her meaning even more.
"Yeah," she blew out a breath, her cheeks puffing up, "when I hug her, I worry I'm hugging too tightly. Not just because I... I love her, but I'm afraid we might turn around and..."
Nick pulled Katie tightly into his embrace.
The words she hadn't said were screaming in his ears.
SHE'LL BE GONE!
He wanted to make Ruth part of their family, but he didn't want to hold on too tight. Ruth didn't need to carry the weight of their worries on her shoulders.
