He swiftly caught up and matched my pace. I liked that feeling. Alphas were physical, and their behavior spoke louder than words. He didn’t put distance between us or crack a joke after I implied there might be another reason for him to stay in Austin. Instead, he walked so close to me that our arms brushed together.
It was hard to ignore how handsome he looked in his white tank top showing miles of brown skin and muscle. His carved cheekbones and strong features stood apart from other men. He had straight shoulders and a confident stride. People couldn’t help but notice him.
I had a terrible feeling he might reconsider leaving after a night of sleeping in his truck, but what could I do? He’d never accept my money for a motel, and staying with me wasn’t an option. If only Lakota had stayed a little longer so they could have resolved their differences.
When I glanced at a patio table at the café next door, my heart went from a flutter to palpitations. It was like seeing a ghost, and I halted in my tracks.
There he was.
River.
The man I’d given my virginity to was eating a burrito. I hadn’t seen him in years, and he looked the same, only a little rougher. Same black hair and mustache, but his frame was thinner and he didn’t put much effort into shaving anymore. Physically, River looked in his forties. He wasn’t handsome, but his appearance wasn’t what had attracted me in the first place. While other men were ogling my breasts and backside, River had always complimented my clothes, my eyes, and said I had the most graceful walk.
He wiped his mouth on his arm and glanced over, briefly making eye contact before looking away.
I swallowed hard, no longer aware of Tak’s presence.
“Hi, River,” I said. When he didn’t look back, I moved closer to his table. “River, it’s been a long time.”
He scooped up the fallen bits of food from his plate and gobbled them up. After wiping his hands on his shirt, he finished off his drink until there was nothing but ice at the bottom.
River didn’t recognize me. From his hurried behavior and dirty pants, I guessed he must have been on a short work break and didn’t have time to dilly-dally.
I crossed into his line of view to grab his attention. “It’s me, Hope. How have you been?”
When River lifted his head and looked around me at a loud motorcycle thundering by, I realized neither his hearing nor his memory were impaired. Even though I had no feelings of love for him, rejection lanced through my heart like a spear. How could he sit there and not even say hello? I’d shared my body with this man, and he ignored me as if I were no better than a stray dog.
Tak approached River from behind, his eyes on me. “Is something wrong?”
River turned around and glared up at him. “A man’s trying to enjoy his lunch in peace. Why don’t you take your bitch for a walk?”
Tak’s expression brimmed with uncertainty. Bitch wasn’t a derogatory term in the Shifter world, but he must have sensed there was more going on here than two old friends running into each other.
“River? Why aren’t you speaking to me?” I pressed.
He scratched the side of his head with quick movements and stood up. Before I knew it, he’d erased the distance between us and was staring down at me. Hard. I could feel his glare all the way into my soul, as if exposing all my secrets for the world to see. His judgment lashed at me, as did his resentment and cold indifference. Memories of the past swirled in my mind, and when he moved around me and walked off without a word, I broke out in a cold sweat.
Never had one glance made me feel so insignificant.
Tak put his hands on my shoulders. “Who was that?”
My trembling fingers touched the base of my neck. It felt like a heavy man was sitting on my chest and my ribs were about to crack. When I realized what was happening, panic set in, and that was when I lost control. Before I knew it, the world tilted off its axis. I shook my head, that feeling of doom fast approaching. The busy traffic and open sky became a crushing force I couldn’t escape.
Not here,I thought.Please, not now.
Panic attacks would hit me without warning. They were unpredictable, and sometimes the most unexpected things set them off. Occasionally, I could stop one before it spiraled out of control, but not always. Especially around people I didn’t know—people who might judge me for what they were about to witness.
“Hope?” Tak gripped my shoulder with one hand and cupped my cheek with the other. “Look at me.” His tone was firm, not at all the way he usually spoke to me.
Backing up a step, I gripped the collar of my brown tunic. The fear of dying latched on like a nightmare, and my heart raced as if there were sharp talons gripping it tightly. “I can’t breathe. I need a Relic.” The hair on my nape stood on end, fear lapping against my skin in icy waves. I gulped for air as my heart sped out of control.
Tak backed me up against the building and caged me in tightly until I saw nothing but his chest, shoulders, and pensive gaze. “Look at me.”
“I can’t,” I whispered, shoving against him. “I want to go home. Something’s wrong.” The words moved so quickly past my lips that I wasn’t sure if I was even speaking them aloud. Thinking took a back seat to reacting.
“Nothing’s wrong with you,” he assured me, his voice like still waters. “You’resafe. You’re healthy. You just need to get out of your head and focus on something. Smell the air, Hope. Take a deep breath and tell me what you smell. Focus.”
I tucked my arms against his chest, his voice rumbling through me. Did he know that I couldn’t focus on objects? That every car speeding by shook my concentration and spun me around like a top? After drawing in a deep breath, I said, “Your armpit.”
