I had slept all day and skipped meals. I thought maybe I could sneak into the kitchen for leftovers and avoid everyone, but it looked like Viktor was having a bite.
He rose from his chair like King Arthur and cupped my face in his hands. “You do not look unwell. It seems that there was much exaggeration at the table this morning.”
Damn. He knows.“Isn’t there always?”
“Who would put you in a coffin?”
“Who wouldn’t?”
He wagged his finger at me. “I can always tell your mood when you answer a question with a question. Sit.” Viktor resumed eating his oatmeal. “Nothing brings comfort like warm oatmeal. You must try.”
“I’ll pass. I just wanted to nibble on fruit or something.”
“Kira is sweeping floors on the east wing, so if you are hungry, you must make your own. She organizes and cleans brilliantly. I sometimes take these things for granted, but I do not know what I would do without her. She lights and replaces the candles twice a day,” he said, gesturing to the candlelit chandelier overhead, “and has begun organizing our storage rooms.” He set down his spoon and then wiped his beard with a cloth napkin. “While I do not need to know everything that happens with my team, if one of you is attacked, it is meaningful.”
“I was going to tell you eventually. I just didn’t want to ruin your celebration.”
After cleaning his bowl, he set the spoon inside and pushed it forward. “If you have new enemies, I must know. This affects everyone. Remember what happened with Niko?”
“Viktor, I don’t know what happened. If I did, I’d tell you. The last thing I remember is leaving the club to come home, but after that, it’s gone. Do you think all that time without oxygen did something to my brain cells?”
He set his napkin on the table. “Perhaps your memory will return.”
“Maybe I’ve told you this before, but I want to tell you again. Thanks for giving me a second chance. That day I met you, I thought you were a prick. No offense, but I didn’t trust anyone. Being with Keystone changed everything. I’m learning to trust people again, and I didn’t think that would ever be possible. It’s nice to know that people are looking out for me. I just want to make sure that I’m pulling my weight around here. That’s all.”
“The Raven I see before me is not the same woman I met that day. You have matured into a capable investigator and skilled fighter. This last case was very important, and you gave me so much more than I was expecting.” Viktor folded his arms on the table and gave me a pensive stare. “You did not deserve what happened last night. You should have been here to celebrate with us, but we assumed that you wanted to be alone. You have always been a loner. The higher authority is not pleased with the upheaval, but many are singing our praises.” He smiled warmly. “My contact has sent our money this afternoon, and there is a bonus included just for you—much more than your share. It is no longer a secret that Miss Parrish was my contact, and she is very pleased that we have taken down this crime ring. She negotiated the money for you; I did not ask for it.”
While I should have been thrilled to stockpile more money, something about it didn’t feel right. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I also hadn’t felt like myself. Not just because of the burial, but these past few weeks had taken a toll on me.
“Can I send it back?”
“Nyet. That would be an insult.”
“Then send the extra amount to HALO. You don’t have to tell Lenore what we did with it. Maybe it won’t be enough to split between them, but it seems like they should get something for helping us out.”
He reached over and patted my hand. “What a fine gesture. This team is how I imagined it to be. You complete us. Now Wyatt can do his job and Gem hers. Everyone has a place, like puzzle pieces. I sometimes want to do more, because that is the life I once knew, but my first responsibility is to keep myself alive. And my second responsibility is to keep each of you alive. There can be no compromise.”
I gave him a crooked smile, thinking about how many Alka-Seltzers he probably drank a night. “I’ll try to stay alive, but I’ve made a lot of enemies.”
“Raven, your personal life is complicated, and I cannot fix those problems.”
“If I still lived on the streets, no one would care if I disappeared. I know you’re not my family, but it feels like it sometimes.”
“I understand what you mean. In some ways, this feels like a pack. I cannot help but run the house like I would as a Packmaster, but I have to remind myself that it is possible I will lose some of you. That is why your relationship with Christian concerns me. It is difficult to truly love someone that you might lose. I have lost hundreds of family members—my brothers, their children, and tragedy has befallen everyone I’ve cared for.”
“How did it happen?”
Viktor pinched the bridge of his nose as if holding back tears. “I do not wish to live in the pain of my past. Find those happy moments and hold them in your heart. Like here, with Keystone. Everyone in this house has endured suffering while under my watch. Niko almost died, Gem lost a man she cared for, Blue is scarred beyond comprehension, and you have also suffered tragedy at the hands of your Creator. I did not know if this organization would last with so many different backgrounds and Breeds, but despite the bickering, you take care of each other. This pleases me.” Viktor trailed off in Russian before stopping himself. “We do not know our destiny, so we must make a difference today. No matter what happens, it is better to know that we made sacrifices to give others a better life. Keystone will bring you riches and build your reputation, but when you die, you cannot take those things with you.”
I stood and pushed in my chair. “Thanks for trusting me with this job. I just hope it’s the last assignment we ever have in a sex club.”
Viktor rocked with laughter as he rose from his chair and reached for something on the table behind him. “I almost forgot. This came for you today.” He handed me a small brown box with twine wrapped around it. “The delivery boy did not say who it was from, but do not be surprised to receive more gifts in the coming days from those who wish to show their appreciation.”
Holding the box in one hand, I strode down the dark hallway toward the staircase and jogged up to the second floor. The hours I’d spent in that coffin were probably the most terrified I’d ever felt, even with Fletcher. I’d channeled some of my energy to produce a little light, but somehow that made it worse. After attempting to punch my way out, I’d calmed myself to reserve oxygen and sporadically flared in hopes that a Mage might be nearby. Christian had sat with me all night and most of the day. He brought my usual cup of hot coffee early this morning, and even though I didn’t drink it, the fragrant aroma comforted me. I needed space, and he gave it to me. The last thing I wanted was someone giving me a lecture about what I needed to do or eat or drink. I needed to be a mess for a little while before I cleaned myself up.
As I reached a dark window in the hallways overlooking the courtyard pool, I stood there and watched Niko and Gem talking. She had on a short blue nightgown and kimono untied at the waist. The only light came from the pool.
My thoughts drifted back to the coffin. It was hard to get it out of my head. The panic, the rage, the regret—being stuck in there with nothing but my thoughts. When the oxygen had run out, it didn’t happen all at once. The air had grown stale, and I was breathing more rapidly as it seemed impossible to catch my breath. Dizzy and feeling as if my heart might explode, I realized it was impossible to tell my body it wasn’t dying. I had passed out a number of times before I stopped resisting. Once I accepted my condition, my heart finally slowed down. Without oxygen, it was pointless to breathe, but that pain and urge never went away. All I could do was just lie there, because if I started to think about breathing, I’d panic all over again.
