I stared up at the stars. Like Christian predicted, the snow had tapered off just after sunset. It was a beautiful night—stars glittering against the inky sky like flecks of ice suspended in midair. These weremystars, the ones above my trailer park that I’d gazed up at a million times.
“I guess I’m ready,” I said. “He might be asleep by now. Maybe we should come back another time.”
Christian jerked the wheel and made a hard left down the road that led to my father’s place. It was a single-wide mobile home with one bedroom, an older model and considerably small. There was a decent amount of land surrounding each trailer since the park was on the outskirts of the city—good land to build a house on if a person had enough money.
“Let me guess. The mailbox with the red flames is yours?”
I didn’t disagree. Christian made a left turn and slowed the car to a stop.
“Switch off the lights or he’ll come out here with a gun,” I said.
Christian shut off the engine, and we stared at the trailer. It wasn’t the first time I’d dropped by in recent years. I snuck out here now and again when I needed to feel connected to something. Crush owned a green trailer with a small porch and four steps on the right that led up to it. I gazed at the picnic table, and a landslide of memories came back. Playing dolls, barbecues, Fourth of July fireworks. His bikes must have been in the garage, because I only saw the beat-up truck out front.
“Outlaw?” Christian asked.
I followed his gaze to the decal on the back of Crush’s truck window. “He’s not a man who believes in the system.”
Christian unbuckled his seat belt. “Now I’m beginning to see where you get your rebellious nature from. I feel like I’m about to learn a lot about the infamous Raven Black.”
I nervously tugged at my fingerless gloves, the air in the car quickly cooling down. “The lights are still on. That means he’s watching TV.”
Christian shifted in his seat and gave me a pointed stare. “You’re taking this too seriously. Remember the story about the man who traveled with the ghost to visit his past?”
“Scrooge? Are you comparing me to Scrooge?”
“You’re just passing through this life, Raven. It’s not real anymore because you’re no longer a part of it. I don’t see how this is going to accomplish anything but mess with your head. You’re a fecking lunatic if you think this is going to bring you any resolution. I’m here, I’ll do as you ask, but it’s not your life anymore. It’s like when you end a relationship with someone and they pay you a visit years later. It feels familiar, and that makes you think you can have it all back. But you can’t. You’re a ghost to those memories.”
“Someday a ghost is going to knock on your door, and we’ll see if you have the balls to slam it shut. Now quit getting all philosophical; you’re making me nervous.”
“As nervous as the man on the porch with a shotgun?”
My eyes widened when I looked up. “Oh, shit.”
“Who’s out there?” Crush bellowed. “Get the fuck off my land.”
I opened the door and put my hands up. “Don’t shoot.”
“What do you want? Did your car break down? Tell your friend to get back in that pussy-ass car of his.”
“Christian,” I hissed. “Stay there.”
“Your da’s a real charmer,” he said quietly, resting his arms over the roof of the car.
“That’s the pot calling the kettle black.”
I slowly approached the trailer, my hands still up. The gun was obscuring Crush’s face, and the light on the porch turned him into a silhouette.
“Daddy, it’s me.”
When he lowered the gun a little, I took a few paces forward. He slowly descended the steps, shotgun still pointed. The closer he got, the better I could see his blue eyes aimed straight at me.
I finally wasn’t a ghost anymore. I was real, and he saw me. The closer he came, the more he lowered the gun until he was staring at me stone-faced. Crush had a hard look on his weathered face. He still had the grey mustache and long goatee I remembered from most of my life. His hair wasn’t tied back like usual, and the wind blew some of it around. Neither of us spoke. I stood frozen in fear, my hands trembling, my breathing so rapid that I began to feel light-headed.
Crush drew in a deep breath, and when he released it, a cloud of frosty white air filled the space between us. His inscrutable expression gave away nothing. When he dropped the gun in the snow, I couldn’t move fast enough. Crush surged forward and pulled me into a tight bear hug.
Then he smelled my hair.
“It reallyisyou, Cookie.”
