He drew in a deep breath. “Because you have.”
I searched his eyes.
Christian inclined his head, his hands on my shoulders. “I can’t lie to you anymore. You made me promise, but it was an unfair thing to do. I’m going back on a favor because it’s not right.”
“What’s not right?” I asked warily.
“We kissed before. Intimately. Passionately.”
I shook my head slowly. “No, we haven’t.”
“Aye, we have.” He cupped my head in his hands, and his gaze reeled me in. “Remember everything, Raven. The wall is coming down.Oceans.”
The moment he said the word “oceans” without breaking eye contact, a flood of memories filled my mind. Restored memories. The training room, throwing myself at Christian… Our kiss. That sensual, erotic kiss where he pinned me to the wall and I wanted him to take me. I’d never known that kind of insatiable desire. The kiss hadn’t been as slow burning and shattering as the one we’d just shared; it was chaotic and consumed with primal need. We’d crashed into each other like two comets in the night. I remembered the argument afterward and asking him to scrub my memory of the kiss. It would have been impossible for me to work beside a man that I’d felt that measure of lust for, but his scrubbing my memory of the kiss never erased my desire for him as I’d hoped. It was always there, simmering beneath the surface. Only now did I realize that it wasn’t our kiss that had made me want him—it was my wanting him that led to the kiss.
My heart constricted, filled with the sting of deceit. “How can I ever trust you?” I shoved him away. “I feel like such a fool!”
“No, Raven. I’m the fool for agreeing to such a request.”
“Then why did you do it?”
“Because if I hadn’t, you would have walked away from Keystone.”
I tilted my head to one side. “Isn’t that what you wanted all along? So you did this out of the goodness of your own heart? That’s bullshit. You didn’t like me back then, and I’m still not really sure whatthisis,” I said, motioning between us. “What else did you erase?”
He held up his hands. “That’s all. I swear on my immortal soul.”
I covered my eyes and threw my head back. “We can’t keep doing this. I don’t think I can handle a casual relationship with my partner.”
“Define casual.”
I dropped my arms. “Making out. Sharing blood. Cuddling. Sitting in the bathtub together.Casual.”
“Afraid it’ll crush your dreams of becoming a do-gooder? A respectable member of society? Would you really leave Keystone over something so trivial?”
I pressed my finger against his chest. “That’s exactly what I’m talking about. You’re stringing my emotions along, and I should know better than to feel anything for a man who treats love like a venereal disease.”
He gently took my arm and stepped close. “And what exactly do you feel for me?”
I wrenched away. “That’s not fair.”
And it wasn’t. Christian couldn’t expect me to disclose my emotions for his own amusement. Vampires used the truth against people. Now my feelings about him were a tangled mess. I wasn’t foolish enough to expect him to reciprocate, but in that moment—when I felt the most betrayed—I realized by the clenching of my heart and tightening in my chest that I reallydidlove him. That silent admission made me curse my stupidity for falling for a guy who would mock me for it.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Maybe I was caught in a vicious cycle of repeating my parents’ mistake of loving someone who couldn’t give themselves completely. That was all I knew about love.
He reached out to touch my face. “Raven—”
“Don’t make me say something we’ll both regret. Look, I appreciate you restoring my memory. I know I’m the one who asked you for the favor, but I can’t help it. I feel violated. I trusted you would never do something like that to me. Why didn’t you talk me out of it?”
His lips tightened, and he took a step back. “I can’t make it right. It won’t happen again, on my word. Even if you throw your naked body against mine and grind me like a cat in heat, I’ll make you remember every embarrassing detail.”
I flounced off. That was exactly the kind of thing I expected Christian to say. He was like Jekyll and Hyde, and I wasn’t sure which man was the real Christian Poe.
Nor was I certain which man I loved.
Because even as I stormed off alongside the river, it didn’t change a damn thing about what I felt for him.
