She kissed my cheek. “Thank you for all of Christmas. I can’t wait for pie!”
I smiled and straightened her dress. “You look so pretty. I know Zoë and Knox are excited to come over in the morning and play with you. Aunt Sunny said they’re going to sleep over tomorrow night. Doesn’t that sound fun?”
She nodded excitedly.
Even though Knox was rambunctious and Zoë had a gregarious personality, Rose loved being around kids her age. They were as close as she could have to cousins or siblings, and since Rose was homeschooled, it was important for her to have that interaction with other kids. Otherwise she might end up becoming a little Justus, and I could only handle one of him.
I held up the card. “I’m going to put this in a very special place where everyone can see it. You better go back home before your daddy starts to worry.”
“Bye, Aunt Silver!”
Her black shoes tapped on the floor as she ran back into the elevator. Hopefully she’d end up on the right floor. Rose knew her numbers, but sometimes she went to Uncle Levi’s house to watch TV. Whenever she knocked onourdoor, Logan wound up escorting her home. Even though we lived in a secure building, he worried whenever he caught her alone. Justus and Page didn’t have security locks to prevent her from leaving their apartment, and sometimes she snuck out.
I glanced out the windows into the darkness. Our view from the fifth floor was usually of twinkling lights in the distance, but the snow was so heavy that it was impossible to see across the street. I strode into our bedroom—just a large mattress on the floor in front of a window with a scenic view—and lay down on the bed. I held Rose’s card close to my heart and wept against my pillow. Maybe it was the stress of the holidays, or maybe it was standing over a hot oven all day, but a flood of tears came, accompanied by a gripping pain in my chest, reminding me of how close we’d come to getting a child only to lose the opportunity.
How long would Logan be willing to endure this? I didn’t even want to let myself hope anymore. Maybe he needed a child more than I did, and that thought hurt the most. We were kindred spirits, but what if that wasn’t enough to keep us together? Despite every reassuring word he’d given me, I couldn’t help but wonder if our love could weather this kind of storm.
It wasn’t even a storm; it was more like a blizzard.
Little Rose standing at the door with that precious card reminded me of all the cards I’d never have on my own fridge. I’d never know what it was like to have a little one call for me in the middle of the night, to hear the sound of giggles while I sang, to give butterfly kisses and have tiny tears to wipe away. Being an aunt was a great experience, but it couldn’t replace motherhood. A life without children flashed before my eyes and rocked me to the core.
The door flew open and hit the wall. A dark shadow entered the room and crawled across the bed, his warm body smothering my legs and a purr thrumming in his chest to console me.
I sniffed and peered down. “Levi, what are you doing here?”
He didn’t speak.
That’s how loyal the Cross brothers were. The scent of my devastation must have been potent.
I stroked my hand through his short hair and let him comfort me. Normally I wasn’t the kind of girl who let a man drape himself over my legs, but I respected Chitahs, and this was a testament of how powerful our bond was as a family.
“Silver?” Logan entered the room and took in the scene. “Levi, leave us alone.”
Levi quietly looked over his shoulder.
“Go, brother. I need to speak with my female.”
Levi slowly rose and patted my foot before leaving the room, his eyes downcast.
When the door closed, Logan approached the right side of the bed and sat down beside me. He smoothed the tangled hair away from my face and held my gaze. “What troubles you?”
I handed him the card, and he opened it up.
After a thoughtful pause, Logan set the card on a short table by the bed. “I have failed you as a mate.”
“What?”
He placed his hands on either side of me. “All these tears. I’m the reason. I should have stopped after the first time.”
I cupped his strong face in my hands—a formidable face I had once feared long ago. Now all I saw when I looked at him was a devoted man who would move mountains for me. “I don’t deserve you.”
“No, you deserve better. I can’t even find us a child. The world is filled with so many unwanted children, and I haven’t been able to find a single one.”
“Most of those unwanted children are humans. It’s harder to adopt Breed children—you know that as well as I do. We both went into this knowing the risks.” I stroked his chin with my thumbs, and Logan lowered his head to kiss them. “Finn says he might have connections. Maybe the black market isn’t the way to go. It’s wrong to bid for a child.”
“It’s a chance to save them from predators. I would rather buy a child in peril than adopt one whose safety is certain.” His voice fell to a whisper. “I would give all that I have to make you happy.”
I sat up. “If you’re doing this for me, stop.”
