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The alert on the door pinged, and I looked up from my phone. I exhaled a small breath of air at the sight of my best friend. The smile that automatically lifted the corners of our mouths as our eyes connected needed to be researched. A little arrow heart pierced my heart. At that moment, my heartache wasn't as important. What I desired at the time was to be in the arms of the one man who brought me so much peace and security.
The swagger in Trek's walk was like a saxophone in a Jazz tune. He rubbed his hands together, as if there was a dollop of moisturizer on his palms. The way his eyes roamed over my body was equivalent to dainty hands gently swaying over a field of flowers. To have his full attention on me only made me feel likea main course at a five-star restaurant. How blessed was I to be best friends with a man like him.
Trek was still water compared to the pain that flowed through me. He was mocha, like the most decadent piece of chocolate I'd ever consumed. His eyes were the most dominant shade of the autumn season. His pretty hazel eyes always carried specks of color that mirrored fire flames whenever we were around each other.
His eyes were soft, and they often lured me to stand in his presence until he gestured that it was okay to move. My bestie didn't command me to do anything, but his presence unknowingly commanded what he wanted and didn't want. He was dressed down in a dark gray sweatshirt and black cargo pants. A simple gold Cuban link and designer black boots brought his casual look together.
Trek looked relaxed, so it was clear he didn't have to work today. I knew his routine like the back of my hand. He wasn't clean-shaven or beard gang, but his tapered, wavy fade, mustache, and goatee made the perfect trio to dominate a woman. Sadly, for me, I wasn't one of those women he desired.
I turned away from him briefly to hide my disappointment and peered at my manager. "Monica, I'm going on break."
She giggled and looked up from her clipboard. "I don't blame you." Her eyes flitted from me to Trek, then back to me.
I shook my head and blushed as I walked around the counter and right into Trek's arms. He engulfed me in a tight embrace. His expensive cologne filled my nose.
Tiny bumps surfaced on my skin, displaying the effect my bestie had on me. I couldn't hide my feelings if I wanted to. He was my security blanket in human form.
Trek parted us partially and gazed into my eyes. "Did he put his hands on you or Deshoni?" he quizzed in his deep voice.
I shook my head. "No, he didn't," I replied, peering up at him. I wasn't a short girly, but Trek's six-foot-three frame towered over my five-foot-seven height.
Trek nodded his head. "Alright. Do you wanna eat here or somewhere else?"
"Let's get our food to go. We can take a walk while we eat," I suggested.
"Sounds good to me. Go get your things, and I'll order our food."
"Okay." I scurried away and grabbed my things.
I quickly snatched off my hairnet and freed my long hair from the ponytail I wore. Trek loved to play in my hair. It'd been that way since we were kids. By the time I came back, Trek stood off to the side, people-watching.
When he noticed me, a smirk adorned his face. He pulled me to his side and kissed the top of my head. "How are you feeling?" he queried.
"I'm sad. I'm hurt, but right now, next to you, I feel stronger than I did earlier."
"You know it's perfectly fine for you to feel that way. Healing takes time. Give yourself some time and grace," Trek encouraged me.
"You're right. I'm trying."
"Number nine," Adam, my co-worker, called out.
Trek walked over and grabbed our food. We exited the store and took a walk down the trail behind my job. The back area was surrounded by a wooded area, but it was a good place to walk during the day. I'd never walk back there at nighttime.
"So, tell me what happened?" Trek probed before biting into his burger.
I cleared my throat from the salty fries I'd just consumed. The fries were my favorite side at the Burger Royale. There was a hint of sweetness from the fry mix they had us use.
"Mook. He can't get out of his own way. I now understand that we made it this far because of me. He allowed me to carry the burden of a full relationship. It was mostly my fault. I shouldn't have stayed that damn long. His lifestyle could've killed Deshoni last night. It could've sent me down that dark path again."
I exhaled, trying not to think about the pill addiction I'd once struggled with.
"I came home from class, and Deshoni was crying so loud that I could hear him down the hallway of our apartment. There were pills and cocaine all over the table. What if Deshoni had climbed out of bed and ingested those drugs? This whole moment wouldn't be happening. His diaper was soiled, his clothes were soaking wet, and he was hungry. Mook was knocked out on the couch, high, as usual. It was then that I realized our relationship wasn't worth my son's life or my peace. I'm hurt because I loved him a great deal, but it hurts to know that neither I nor Deshoni was worth changing for. Mook continued to choose his habit and the streets over us, so I chose our lives over him. I'll be fine, but I blame myself for staying so damn long out of familiarity. It was surely pointless."
I went back to my fries and watched a family of geese pass in front of us, heading to the other side. This was what I needed: to get some fresh air in my lungs and bask in the presence of my security blanket.
Trek exhaled. "Before I respond, let me ask you, do you want me to respond, or are you simply venting?"
