“I’m a fecking idiot. Here I am, a grown-ass man with the woman of my dreams, and I’m carrying on like a schoolboy.”
“Look,” I said, grabbing my pillow, “I’m not sure what to do here. Maybe we rushed into this. But you’re right, we are grown adults, not young kids. I have a demanding job that requires my attention. I don’t begrudge you any opportunity that comes your way. Part of my practice’s responsibility is to care for these teams. And I had to scratch and claw to be a part of this practice.” I stopped rambling and caught Daniel staring at me from across the bedroom.
“I know you worked hard. I don’t ever want to diminish that.”
“Good, but I’m going to sleep in the guest room. I need rest, and I’m at a loss for what to do. We sort of did this move-in thing on a whim, and I’m thinking it wasn’t well thought out.”
“This is your room…”
“It’s been yours too. I’ll be fine. Good night.” Without any other preamble, I left the room I’d called my own for many years and went to sleep in the guest room no one ever used.
Despite making the move to get some extra rest, sleep escaped me. It was only an hour or two before my alarm when tiredness finally took over and I felt myself fall into a deep slumber. Later, after slinging back a cup of coffee and snagging a banana, I grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled a quick note.
As I penned the words, I wasn’t proud of my actions. But I still went through with the deed.
Daniel—
This time has been a dream, but all I have to show for the last 20 years is my work. I was never enough for my parents, and now I am more than enough for the medical community. I cannot sacrifice any of it. I’m sorry.
We rushed, and that’s on me. I couldn’t keep traveling, and the idea of you being here was enticing, but it’s time we took a break.
I hope you can find some peace and refuge in your California place.
Always yours,
Birdie
As I stepped out my door and went to my car, I rethought my writingAlways yoursand signing with the nickname he had for me, but it was done. Truthfully, it was how I felt—I was always going to be Daniel’s. Crazy as it sounded, I thought it had been that way since I’d met him. And we had a few glorious weeks. Like now, just a short time and I was completely his—again—but I couldn’t afford to let him get in the way of what I’d built career-wise.
He was acting like a jealous teen, and my breakup note matched his maturity. Oh well, it was time to move on…
My phone buzzed as I arrived at the hospital. Part of me was afraid to look, but my nature forced me to glance at the screen.
Sella. Oh boy. She was going to have a fit when I called her back.
Daniel
Isaddled up to the bar at the Riviera after playing eighteen.
“Back already?” Frank, the weeknight bartender, inquired with a raised eyebrow.
“For a bit,” was my answer.
I’d been back for a month. When I woke up and saw Wren’s note, I tucked tail and got the hell out of Boston. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to stay and beg Wren for forgiveness; I was as much always hers as she was mine. But I’d messed up.
“Acted like an absolute moron,” I offered up to Frank.
He placed a scotch in front of me, straight up, the way I liked it. “I’m not surprised—” He leaned on the bar and eyed me up.
“What? That I acted like a moron? Or that I’m back, playing and nursing my wounds?”
“Neither. You’ve been a bachelor for too long. I know you were married to a bitch, and what did that teach you? To react—”
“She was an ice queen,” I interrupted after taking a swig of my scotch. Between the burn, letting off some steam and calling my ex-wife names, I felt better.
“Now, you’re so used to doing whatever you want. Back here, playing every day…I see you, Danny-boy.” His gray eyes narrowed on me.
“No, it wasn’t like that. I wasn’t playing around the clock there. In fact, it might have been better had I been.” I ran my hand through my hair. I hadn’t had a haircut since I’d been back. Only thing I’d remembered to do was shave after the Fourth of July, when I’d sat around my house by myself all day.
