I didn’t mention the flowers I’d picked up or the champagne and strawberries Glory helped me procure for later. Tomorrow was Valentine’s Day, and while I was at a loss at what to get a Hollywood star, I figured a little bubbly and flowers went a long way.
While I toweled off, I’d gone out on a limb and texted Billy for a picture on her way to the event.
When my phone pinged with a selfie of her in a candy apple red minidress, the neckline plunging to her navel, I wished I hadn’t. I wondered if we’d ever do something normal, like go on a dinner date where I could be the gentleman I’d learned to be.
Scolding myself—noting this was my own doing, falling for a movie star—I’d dressed in jeans and a white shirt, rolled up the sleeves, and poured myself a scotch and sat out on the patio with Chip. The stars were hidden by the bright city lights, and the air was cool for Los Angeles but not to me. I felt the breeze ripple against the back of my neck, welcoming the sensation as time passed.
When I heard the door open and watched Frank pad around, Billy trailing behind him, I berated myself for falling for this woman. I’d given it my best effort not to. This was my fault. Entirely. I told myself not to look at the time. The way the sky had darkened, it was later than I’d hoped for. Too late for champagne. It was take-the-dog-out-and-go-to-bed o’clock.
There wasn’t time to act like a petulant doctor. It was my job to resolve the emotions I had with what this was and what I wanted it to be. I was a mere mortal; Billy was a goddess.
Yet as soon as she said, “Hey,” I knew Billy also felt differently about us.
Not sure I’d never heard her use that wordhey. Second, the look on her face was not one of wanting to make the best of anything. With a furrowed brow she sat across from me, rebuffing jumps from Chip, staring through the open doors to the kitchen where the champagne chilled in a bucket. The flowers sat next to it, and the fun times, jokes, and moments we shared were fading into memories.
“I need to tell you something,” was what she started with.
I nodded, unsure of what would come out of my mouth.
“Tonight turned out to be more of a soiree than I expected.”
I couldn’t help but picture us making love the night before. I’d been bare, her professing how much she’d wanted it. She’d reminded me she had an IUD, and for what other reason than to feel me? Those were her words and insistence, not mine. “You look gorgeous, so no reason for all that to be wasted,” I mustered up the guts to say, motioning at her look. Noting we hadn’t embraced or kissed when she walked in.
“I could’ve taken you,” she blurted out. “That was my choice. It was a party, and I needed to be seen there, career-wise, but I wasn’t ready to be seen with you…”
It all came rushing out of her mouth, faster than the fountain shot up in the air at The Bellagio when I was in Vegas last month.
It was fast and furious, and painful, but I didn’t crumple. Instead, I completely wilted. Part self-preservation, the other more for Billy. Somehow I was still putting her first. She needed me to go along with this narrative. “That is and will always be your choice. I just don’t know why you weren’t honest from the beginning. You could have said this wasn’t a good weekend, or simply told me it wasn’t the place for me.”
“I couldn’t—”
“What, bring yourself to say I’m too ordinary?” I interrupted her, watching her take a swift inhale. Probably no one had ever interrupted her.
“Cal…our worlds are too different. Mine is made up of facades and what we want people to see and think. Yours is not ordinary…it’s just real. I can’t exist on that plane.”
I stood and paced. “I waited here. Why ask me to wait if you were just going to do this? I would have gone if you asked. Gone home. I’ve never forced you to do anything you didn’t want.”
She stood and walked over to me, placing her hand on my chest. I felt the clamminess of her palm all the way in my heart. I watched gooseflesh break out all over her skin and pulled her closer. I was mad, but that didn’t mean I was thoughtless. I cared for this woman—too much.
“I thought I could separate the two. Them and us. This lifestyle out here and the little bubble I liked spending time in with you. But I can’t. I’ve failed.”
“Why do you say that?” She stayed still in my arms, and I didn’t want her to ever slip out.
“I arrived with Ben Apple, and at first I didn’t realize it was a setup. But the studio choreographed it. Never mind—I knew what the execs wanted. We were photographed and led to say what the paps wanted in our comments. All implications being we are a couple. In fact, it’s likely all over the internet by now. Like I said, I’ve failed.” On a quick turn, she was out of my arms. “Our lives are too different. I can’t plug a square hole with a round peg or the other way around, however the saying goes.”
Those were her final words.
She ducked her head, tucked tail, and slinked into the condo, where she went back to her room. A few moments later, I went to chase after her, closing the patio door, leaving the champagne in the ice now turning to water, and saw her closed door. I didn’t even check if it was locked because she’d shut me out, and I needed to give her that play. If I cared about her being on the internet with another man, this thing would never work. In fact, I was surprised it took this long for this to come to a head. Truth was, I didn’t care because I knew the only real moments she had were behind steel doors.
But if I pressed her to feel a certain way, it would come back to haunt me, so I let her be…
Those touches on the golf course were not her acting. Feelings sizzled between us; she was scared. I had to temper my alpha side from pushing her to admit she cared for me.
Temporarily tucking my own tail between my legs, I traveled back home and gave the woman I was in love with space. Space she didn’t ask for or knew she needed. Willa thought we were over.
Let her believe it for a while.
Billy
