“He’ll have to get used to it, especially in the new place.” The words slipped from my mouth before I could stop them. Lying there with Murphy, our legs entwined and our hearts beating in unison, I felt too good and my guard fell down.
“What new place?” she asked.
I wasn’t surprised to hear it. This was Murphy, and she didn’t miss much.
“I bought a piece of land with a ski house on it over in Mad River. I thought it would be nice for Branson and me to get some guy time there. Now, of course, I can’t wait for you to see it.”
“Wow, you never said anything about it, which is okay, but that’s amazing. Look at you, Mr. Successful with two houses, and me struggling to figure out what I want to do.” A note of melancholy tinged her voice.
I didn’t know why, but I felt as if what she described were what she should have had, rather than me. But I couldn’t apologize or say a thing before she went on.
“Honestly, you should be proud. The guys from Pressman, none of them are doing the big-time doctor thing and killing it like you obviously are.”
“That’s the thing,” I said, turning to face her now glistening green eyes and smoothing her out-of-control red hair behind her ear. “When I got hurt playing football and had to figure out a new position, I had a lot of time on my hands. I wasn’t social to begin with.”
My voice got raspier with every word. I knew this wasn’t going to sit well, but I had to get it out—eventually.
“I started playing around with apps, and I was pretty good at it. I developed an app that helped run medical records a little easier, and instead of growing it—or the company—by myself, I licensed it. Medical school was still my priority, and I didn’t want to get stuck with a failed venture.”
“You what, licensed it? So, you got rich in college or what?”
Murphy looked like she wanted to run away. Her gaze was pinging all over the place, and her heart felt skittish. Then a tear formed in the corner of one eye.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Her expression anguished, she glared at me. “Even when I bared my soul, when I shared all of my darkest moments with you. Did you think I wouldn’t be happy for you?”
As her gaze bore into me, I desperately wanted to go back in time and handle this all differently. So very, very differently.
“Wait,” she shrieked, nearly choking. “Did you think I would want something from you? That I would use you? Is that how little you think of me and where I come from?”
“No. No, none of that. I believe you’re a good person, Murph. When it comes to this, I don’t really tell anyone. I feel like they’ll only like me because I’ve got cash to burn, or maybe not like me at all since I don’t fit in. The thing is ... the app thing, it’s sort of an ongoing side gig for me. I use the money it brings in to help my parents and Branson, and to build a nest egg. And I make investments for later too.” I closed my eyes for a second, wishing I could stop my rambling.
“What are you? A cross between Doogie Howser and Richie Rich?” Her tone had an edge of anger, but her face scrunched in pain as she tried to school her emotions. “It’s great, really,” she said, and if I didn’t know her so well, I would have missed the faint quiver in her voice.
“Murphy, that’s not fair. I wanted you to love—I meanlike—me for me. Just for me. You didn’t think enough of me back at Pressman to be friends openly with me, and that hurt. I wanted to make sure this thing we have isn’t because I’ve got all this ... money and stuff now.”
I couldn’t believe my bad fucking luck at having to reveal my secrets and feelings at Scott’s house. What kind of man was I? My heart raced as Murphy dropped her head to sob against my chest.
“I can’t breathe,” she murmured, taking in deep breaths. “Why? Why would you think that? Did you carry this grudge all these years? Why would you punish me for my parents pushing me so hard? They controlled me, and it didn’t go so well. Now I’m trying to spread my wings. Maybe a little late, but still ... why would you think of me like that now? I thought you believed in me. I’m changing, Ben. Getting better.”
“I do believe in you. I just had to know you believed in me.”
“That’s not fair,” she choked out, rolling over to face the other way.
“Murph, look—”
“Don’tlookme. I’m exhausted from the day and the cider. Let’s not talk anymore. Let’s just go to sleep and get through tonight, and then go home in the morning.”
“But, Murph ...”
“No.”
Her voice was hoarse with tears, and I was too much of a nice guy to push further. I didn’t think I was wrong to protect myself, but Murphy obviously disagreed.
26
Murphy
The morning after Ben and I had sex at Scott’s was more awkward than the morning after prom.
