“It’s going to feel smooth as a baby’s butt. Make sure date feels it.”
“Oh God.”
I should have shaved, but Leona bought me a gift card to use here. “An early Christmas present,” she called it. Remind me to thank her later when my cheeks stop blushing.
Cripes, I had a baby. This should be nothing, but it isn’t, because ... Reid.
“All done.” Helga pats my tush and washes her hands.
I wonder what people write in Yelp reviews for this place. Probably something like,She was extremely gentle when she removed the hair from my labia, and then she patted my butt on the way out.
“Gabby, pack it up,” is all I can muster when I make it to the lobby.
We pay and hightail it out of there—at least, I do. Gabby has seventeen million questions, mostly about why I needed to get my belly waxed. That’s what I told her, and I’m sticking with it.#sorrynotsorry
“Hi, Leona!” Gabby calls out, her greeting carrying through my place a little later in the day.
I’m hopping on one foot, trying to zip my ankle bootjust soover my skinny jeans. You know what I mean? So there’s no crinkling ... because if there’s crinkling, your ankle looks fat. Your jeans need to be smoothed in there just right.
OMG, I am not this girl. But apparently, I am.
“Mom’s getting dressed. I said she should wear a dress, but she’s wearing jeans,” Gabby tattles, and I roll my eyes to no one.
I haven’t worn a dress in a decade. I barely get out of my yoga pants.
“Hi, Lee,” I say as I walk out into the living area.
“Oh, I love the top. Sexy.” Leona shoots me a thumbs-up, probably referencing my black halter sweater.
“Thank you. Now, Gabby, behave. Don’t eat too much junk. If you fall asleep at Leona’s, I’ll get you later.”
“Pshht, don’t worry about that. Let her stay with me. I can make her breakfast.”
“Leona ...” My response is partshut the fuck up, and partyesss.
“It gets boring eating all that wheat germ myself. Sometimes, I need someone to make pancakes for. Get your coat, Gabby. Toodle-oo, Andi.” Leona doesn’t even allow me a minute to respond, dragging my daughter out the door with her and into the cold, her coat half on.
I whisk back to the mirror and examine my face, taking in my makeup. Quickly, I smell my pits, then add a drop of perfume. When I twist to get a peek at my butt, the doorbell rings. Thank God, because I don’t think I can take any more self-inspection.
“Hi,” I say to Reid, butterflies swarming my belly.
“Hey—”
“God, I don’t want to be this girl ... woman ... but I’m so nervous,” I say, interrupting him.
I figure, why not be at least half honest? My lie of omission about being the UAB is bound to smack me in the ass—by the door on Reid’s way out when he learns the truth.
“Hey, don’t be.” He approaches, kicking the door closed behind him. “You look amazing, and smell pretty good too. Plus, you know I like you.”
I take in his worn-in jeans, barn coat, and rugged boots. Of course, he’s wearing his glasses.
“You don’t look so bad yourself,” I say, my arms dangling, not knowing what to do. Thankfully, Reid does ... he gathers me close and kisses me on the lips. It’s gentle and closed-mouth, full of promise.
“Figured I owed you that from the other night. Now we can start this date.” He takes my hand and squeezes. “Ready?”
“I need to grab my purse and lock up.”
He nods, and off I go to my room. When I come back into the living area, Reid is holding a picture frame.
