Claire
Wednesday, I taught an even smaller group of stragglers who hadn’t left campus early to spend time with family. My thoughts drifted to Abby while I ate lunch at my desk. Would she have been helping me cook if she were here? Would she have wanted to see David or stayed with Aiken and me?
Aiken and me? Would we even be a thing if Abby were here?
God, I needed to get a hold of myself and my rampant thoughts. Tucking my hair into a messy bun, I tried to stay focused on wrapping up loose grades, answering emails. I even pondered getting involved with the preschool again.
It was a good day, right? Aiken and I were going to celebrate together.
Guilt settled like an elephant on my chest. Was I allowed to think that way? Could I even consider a day to be good without Abby?
The only conclusion was I needed to go back to therapy myself. I knew these were not realistic thoughts. Abby was gone. I could build a life without her. She’d want me to be happy.
I added a note in my date book to call my therapist after the holiday. It was a big step, but I couldn’t help but be proud of myself. It was a good day, soured only by the fact that I still had to run to the grocery store for pie fixings.
“Shit,” I mumbled to myself as I walked to my car. I’d bought a sedan after I lost Abby, not able to handle all the memories we’d made in the SUV. I knew the place was going to be a mob scene. I decided to stop for a coffee off-campus and go to the grocery store farthest out from town, hoping it would be the least crowded.
With my vanilla latte in the cupholder, I pulled into the parking lot next to the cart return. The parking lot wasn’t that bad, so I held out hope.
Wrapping myself tight in my scarf as I exited the car, I looked up at the darkening sky. A storm was coming in. I told myself to get some extra groceries for the weekend at home, in case Aiken and I stayed in.
I hoped we stayed in—
Thinking about all the naughty times we’d had, I somehow conjured him up in my mind. I could’ve sworn I saw him walking out of the chain restaurant next to the grocery store. Squinting, I took a better look.
It was him.
With Abbie.
Walking, smiling, laughing. Abbie looked like she was swiping an old tear off her cheek. They stopped, Aiken put his hand on her shoulder, steadied her, leaned close, and said something for her ears only.
I wanted to be closer, hear what he was saying, promising to her—and not me.
I wanted to run away.
I did neither.
Instead, I pulled my sweater coat tighter and walked with purpose toward the store. When I was in range to be noticed, I looked their way and saw Aiken mumble an obscenity and rush toward me. Abbie took off after a quick wave, her brush off leaving me with a pit in my stomach.
“Claire…”
“Hey, Aiken.” I put on a cold façade. It was my best attempt at acting ambivalent.
“Damn you. Every time you do that, I tell you to stop. Don’t act cold. Don’t even fucking try. Don’t ignore me.”
He held my arm like he’d just held Abbie’s shoulder.
“Oh, so I shouldn’t be upset? I literally left my office set to make a real go of this.”
“This means nothing, and you know it. It’s Allison’s dad again. He remembered some details. Abbie came to tell me because she felt uncomfortable after our last meeting.”
“You looked pretty cozy for details about your mom, and that’s BS. I’m sorry she felt uncomfortable, but I thought we were together. Look, I’m not going to be some jealous young chick. I’m a grown woman, like you always say.”
In worn jeans, a navy puffy coat, and those sexy-as-hell shitkickers, Aiken pleaded with his eyes. “Claire, come on. I loveyou. I only want you, and you know that. I want to make more than a go of this, and the fact that you’re not some ditzy young chick is the reason I fell for you. Don’t be like this.” His lips grazed my cheek, him breathing me in, and I felt myself acquiescing.
“You know I need to find out what happened to my mom, and these girls are among my only ties. I may have found you, but I can’t let that distract me from why I came here. To find my mom.”
“It’s so odd that my student is so involved in the process. Something doesn’t feel right.” I almost shook my head, trying to clear the confusion.
