It was an unfamiliar feeling and one I’d pushed away a long time ago. A person could take only so many losses before they numbed themselves to feeling. Disappointment had become easier to swallow.
“I’m sure Aiken thinks smoking is disgusting. Isn’t that right?” I felt my eyebrow lift, my mouth pinched tight, while I waited for him to agree.
“Funny thing. You’re the runner. Maybe that’s why you were so out of breath the last time I saw you.”
“It’s not really a regular thing for me. Not a habit, I mean, ugh, what do you care?”
“Chill, I was just teasing. In fact, I have a cigar from my buddy I’ve been holding off on lighting up. Why don’t I grab it? In fact, how ’bout you ladies come on over here, and we’ll partake on my deck?” He flicked the gate open and held his arm out, welcoming us to his yard.
“Where’s the cigarettes? You go wait over there, and I’ll be there in a sec.” Mary, always scheming.
I wanted to argue, but felt my name on the tip of her tongue, and I wasn’t letting Aiken win so easily. “Under the flowerpot. Matches are there too.”
“Come on,Smitty’s mom,” Aiken quietly said in the vicinity of my ear once Mary was out of the way.
Words bubbled in my throat, to beg him to not call me that, but I pushed them down.
I wanted him to think of me as a woman, a whole woman, not a dog’s mom.
I wanted him to forget me.
A small sliver of my heart wanted to tell him everything. Although it wouldn’t do any good. Next, he would be asking all kinds of questions, breaking down barriers, making me feel.
Silently, I followed Aiken toward his deck, surveying the tidy yard, counting the crickets’ croaks in my head. It was a nice house: perfect for a young couple who saw themselves having a family one day. Maybe he had a girlfriend…or boyfriend…moving in soon?
“Have a seat. I just cleaned off the cushions. Want something to drink?”
I shook my head, sitting on the edge of a chaise.
“Be right back,” he hollered from the back door.
Against the quiet night, I heard Smitty barking at my back door, probably at Mary shuffling around, no doubt making a mess.
The screen door slapped shut marking Aiken’s return, and I fumbled for my words.
“You know what? I forgot about Smitty…I don’t know how. Anyway, I’ve got to go let him out. Thanks again for inviting us, but…”
I was up and walking toward the fence when Mary called out to me, “Got your hunk of a beast with the key from under the flowerpot.”
I mumbled, “Troublemaker,” under my breath, making several mental notes not to drink again with Mary anytime soon. She yearned for adventure. I craved solitude. At least, I thought I did.
Smitty came running into Aiken’s yard, busting through the unlocked gate, immediately lifting his leg on one of his tidy bushes. “Sorry.”
He brushed his hand in the air, paying it no mind. “I’ll shut the gate so he stays in.”
Mary had already propped herself back in a lounge chair, kicked off her red spiked heels, and was lighting up a smoke. “Here.” She tossed the pack my way.
I was already unsettled, so having a smoke was the least of my problems. I lit up and exhaled into the evening air, smoke funneling in front of my face. My lungs constricted and expanded, welcoming the calming nicotine.
“So, ladies, up to no good tonight, I see.” Aiken sat on the bottom step, cigar in his mouth, his lips in a round O, cheeks puffing as he held the lighter to the other end. Embers burned and crackled, the tip turning bright orange, before a wave of smoke wafted in front of him. I took another drag of my cigarette before I did something stupid.
Crap, anything at this point is stupid.
“That’s us, up to no good,” Mary said, exhaling tiny rings.
“I should have you written up,” I told her. “I don’t think you’re a very good boss or role model. I want a new boss.”
“Is that how things work around here? Party it up with your boss a lot?” Aiken looked directly at me, never once glancing at Mary in her low-cut sleeveless blouse and skinnier-than-skinny jeans. Forour age, she looked great. Vibrant, youthful, bright.
