In me, without protection. I knew it. I didn’t care. I tossed my head back and moaned. It was loud and the furthest thing from ladylike as he drove into me. I gave him everything back in earnest, sinking down as he pushed up. Time stood still until we were both close, and then everything sped up. Our pace, our breathing, our race to the finish.
Slumped over Aiken’s shoulder, placing chaste kisses on his shoulder blade, I heard him whisper in my ear, “This is it for me, Claire. You’re it. You’re everything.”
A deserving response eluded me. Instead, I let my silent acceptance of the gravity of his words speak for themselves.
Yet, he waseverythingI’d never imagined.
Later, in front of a roaring fire, glass of wine in my hand, my belly full of fresh fish and roasted vegetables Aiken had bought at the market, I leaned back into his chest. I was sitting between his legs, both of us on the floor, his back to the sofa, Smitty at our feet.
Aiken pulled my hair to the side and kissed the side of my neck, and goose bumps prickled my skin.
I was dressed in nothing more than an extra-large T-shirt of Aiken’s and lace panties. No bra, no pants, no makeup, no perfume. Nothing. Just me.
“Really like the shower here,” he said, reminding me of our predinner activities. “I can’t do what I did to you here when we get back home. Not enough room. And the two shower heads…”
“Hmm.” I continued to nuzzle deep into his chest, my eyes at half-mast as he assaulted my neck with feather kisses.
“We should put one in your house.”
“I haven’t done one thing to the house in years,” I mumbled.
“You should. Make it more about you.”
“I never wanted to change things, not since…”
“I figured, but maybe it’s time. Time for Claire.”
I wanted to argue with him, but he placed a long kiss below my ear, and chills ran up my spine. It felt too damn good and distracted me from the pain pumping through my veins.
“Maybe I’ll put one in my house, and you can use it anytime you want. Maybe one day, you’ll even think about moving in? With me? Starting over?”
This knocked me out of my haze. Sitting up faster than warranted, I shifted onto my knees and turned to face Aiken. “No, I can’t do that. Don’t ask me to do that. Start over or anything. Move in with you…” My words were fragments, shattered like my heart.
His hands up in front of him, he said, “Okay, okay. Calm down. I was being playful. I won’t say anything more. I was caught up in the moment. I thought it was appropriate.”
“Well, it’s not. It’s not ever going to be. I’m not leaving the house where Abby lived.”
I saw red. My mind felt as if it had snapped in half.
Why was I so prickly over changing things?
I stood up and snapped my fingers for Smitty to come with me. Snagging the leash by the door, I was fuming.
“I’m sorry. Really.” He stood to face me, the fire sputtering out behind him. “I thought we were in a different place, but maybe it’s just me. I just don’t want you to stay stuck forever.”
“I don’t care if I’m stuck. That’s me. That’s my life. I never hid that from you. Never.” I held Smitty’s leash taut at my side. He sat like the faithful soldier he once was.Mydog.
“Abby’s room is still…”
“Don’t say it, Aiken. I know her room, and I like it the way it is. I don’t need you to point any of this out to me. That’s my place. Not yours.”
I flung open the door.
“Where are you going? It’s dark…let me come with.”
“Aiken, I’m a grown-ass woman. I’ve lived on my own for over a decade. I’m taking a walk with my dog to cool down, and I don’t need you to come.”
“Do you have your phone?”
“Christ, with the phone. I’ll be fine.” I walked out the door.
Aiken wanted me to move on, and I wasn’t sure I could do that—ever.
Abby wasn’t coming back. But I’d never believed I could be happy…after she was gone.
