Confusion clattered around in my brain, a cold sweat collected under my arms—not from running—and a longing swirled in my belly. It was utter madness.
My breath felt short, but I managed to get out, “No, I’m fine. I’ll get one inside, and don’t worry about the driveway.”
After a deep breath, I added, “I don’t have anywhere to be, and I usually park on the street anyways.Youbought the house?” I felt my wrinkles deepen. This kid could be my student, for all I knew, and now he was living next door—to me—in the prettiest house on the block.
“I did.”
I took in his house, painted yellow, perfect flower boxes attached to each window—they weren’t filled—and a bright red door. We’d all walked through the open house. It was the envy of the whole street, and now this young buck owned it.
I nodded and pointed at my dog. “This is Smitty.”
“Heyyy, boy.” He scratched my all-too-willing dog on the head. His tail went ballistic.Traitor. Here I was, trying to squelch any ridiculous feelings my new neighbor made me feel, and my dog welcomed him with open paws.
All the while, Aiken smiled at me like I wasn’t standing there, several decades older than he was, dripping sweat and stinking to high hell.
For a moment, I was appearing in my own rom-com, but this was me—Claire Richards—and there were zero rom-coms in my future.
Or my past, tbh (another acronym I sadly knew).
“I have to go get changed.”
For nothing.
“Nice meeting you.” I cut to the chase. If I didn’t, I pictured myself climbing this man, who didn’t even know my name, forcing myself on him, looking for some feeling I couldn’t even identify.
He gave me a little dip of his chin and let me pass. I tried to forget having to tug extra hard on Smitty’s leash as soon as I had to do it. On the long list of males in my life, even my dog was bored with me. Okay, maybe only one.My ex.
As I made my way up the three steps in front of my house, dreaming of having somewhere to be, forgetting the fact that I was barricaded in by his pickup truck, I heard him call, “Smitty’s mom!”
My chest clenched at a single word. Of course, I was technically Smitty’s mom, but I wasn’t amommom anymore, a scarlet letter I’d come to wear well.
A big body came up behind me, smoldering heat and all male emanating from it. “You have a name?Smitty’s mom?”
The second time he said that word, my heart stopped beating for one beat, then two. Grateful for the interruption to the pitter-patter he’d caused moments earlier, I took a long inhale and resolved to resist any further feelings when it came to Aiken.
Mom.
It was such a simple word, with only one meaning.
Mother of a child.
Dog moms were stupid.
People made fun of dog moms.
Butreal momswere real.
I shook my head, clearing any additional rampant thoughts, bent, and untied my key from my shoe.
“Come on, I don’t bite,” he said from behind me.
I simply said, “No worries. I have to go. That’s it.”
Aiken might have created a tornado of emotions inside me, but there was no reason to take it out on him.
With the door unlocked and the screen door propped open, I turned sideways. “I’m sure you’re very sweet. Kind too, but my life is sort of closed. I’d like to keep it that way. In fact, I kind of need to.”
Hurt flickered in his eyes, a small wave of doubt in a large sea of confidence. For one brief second, I felt my walls shifting.
I told myself not to care. Repeated my mantra.If you love it, it dies.First, David’s affections, then Abby. I didn’t need any more affirmations. I was the equivalent of a weed whacker when it came to love. “I don’t mean to be harsh…it’s just—”
“Okay, well, I’m right next door if you change your mind,” he interrupted. “Bye, Smitty.”
Thank God, who the hell knew what I was going to admit?
I quickly shut the door behind me, refusing to watch him walk away.
I’d had enough goodbyes, and I didn’t want any more hellos.
