Before I could say anything, she continued. “That day was both a beginning and an end for me, you know. An end to who I’d been for a long time, and the start of who I am now. I can’t ever be that Bess again, and I’m not sure this new one is much better,” she said as she looked down at her Nikes. “My selfishness replaced drugs as a survival mechanism—both of them let me off the hook when it came to really getting close to anyone. So, I’m sorry for that, both now and then.”
I couldn’t move.She was sorry?Standing there in her athletic shoes, wrapped up tight in a sweater that hid her tattoo, she looked like a young college girl, but her attitude was fierce and grown-up.
I need to get my shit together.
She bought herself a plane ticket with her hard-earned tips to tell me she was sorry?
I’m a dick.
I was so stubborn that I ran from this woman, never considering how that would make her feel, and she turned around and did something like this for me. Something I doubted she could afford—either financially or emotionally.
“Bess, you have nothing to be sorry for. This is all on me,” I said. The heat of the car’s engine reflected off of me, causing sweat to drip down my back, coating me in a glaze of my own shame.
She shook her head. “No. I need to be selfless and apologize, Lane.”
I walked to her and gathered her in my arms. “No, you don’t.” Because I was the caring one, the enabler in relationships.At least, I used to be.
“I need to apologize,” I told her. “There were so many times I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t. I knew it would ruin everything, and it did exactly that. It ruined it all.”
When I rested my lips on the top of her head, she wriggled out of my arms, and I immediately felt the loss.
“Well, I want to know why,” she said as she stared at me. “Why didn’t you tell me right away?” Her eyes narrowed, she challenged me on the edge of the street.
“Let’s go inside. It’s hot. Let’s get you a cool drink, okay?”
After settling her in my car, I opened the gate and we drove to the house, not bothering to pull into the garage. I waved to Chaz where he was working by the pool, and we went inside. The house was cool and silent, a welcome and soothing greeting to my pounding heart and overheated soul.
“Wow, it’s so clean and quiet here,” Bess said, looking around with wide eyes.
“I haven’t been home much.” I took my jacket off and tossed it over the banister. “Actually, I haven’t been here at all,” I confessed.
“What?”
She moved a little closer, and the warmth of her body defrosted my lonely heart.
“I’ve been staying at the hotel that sits under my offices. I’ve been working nonstop, and I haven’t wanted to be home.”
Bess took my hand. When her small fingers intertwined with my large ones, a strange combination of lust, possessiveness, and fear took hold of me, making me suddenly want a drink. Would she grant me that one wish? I needed one—my nerves were jumping at her mention of the wordwhy—but could she handle it?
“Come in,” I said, leading her to the great room. “Would you like some water? Soda?”
“I’ll take a glass of water.”
I set Bess on the sofa, treating her as if she were some delicate piece of glass even though I knew she’d hate that comparison, but I couldn’t help it. Now that her past was spread out in front of us, my involvement intricately woven through it for anyone to see, I couldn’t help but to look at Bess and see the messed-up college-age version of her. The young girl crying for help that I ignored, convinced I had to stop fixing others for my own sanity.
I’d forced my way back into her life, and had left nothing but destruction in my wake. I should have never asked for that first dinner.
And I never should have covered for Jake.
This couldn’t be fixed, no matter how much I wanted it to be.Thisbeing my fucking shit life.
Grabbing the water, I came back with one glass.
“What about you?” she asked as she reached for it.
“Do you mind if I have something stronger?” I said as I closed in on the bar, clearly unable to wait for her response.
“No, go ahead. Please don’t treat me with kid gloves, Lane. I can see you’re doing that, and you need to stop.”
