“AJ! Wait!” she called out from behind me and there she was, running toward me.
I froze in place, my feet glued to the asphalt as my throat clogged with emotion, something I wasn’t used to and didn’t like one damn bit. I’d tamped down my feelings for years before learning to live without them.
“Bess,” I said as she approached.
She didn’t hesitate; she came right in for a hug. A friendly bear hug.
“Hi,” she said.
“Hi.”
I held her close, unable to let her go. Eventually she pulled back, and I noticed she didn’t have her jacket on.
“Come on,” I said. “Let’s go sit in my truck where it’s warm.” I cocked my head toward it.
When we climbed into the cab, I turned on the engine and cranked up the heat.
Bess wrapped her arms around herself and lifted her shoulders to her ears as she tried to get warm. “Listen, AJ, I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you. I’m sorry for everything. I’ve had a lot on my mind, but what I did was wrong. I love you, but not like that. Ineedyou in my life, and I hate to think I ruined that. But I feel like I did.” She stared straight out the windshield with her admission.
“Babe, you know I care for you a whole fuck of a lot, but I’m not ready to accept that you’re not hiding your true feelings for me. You’re scared of how good we can fucking be, and running. Like your mom ran from you.”
I shifted in my seat to face her and reached out to smooth back her windblown hair, taking in her innocent eyes and natural beauty. I wouldn’t use a meeting, but I would use her past.
She tucked her chin in her chest and stared at her Nikes as she said, “I met someone else. I know it’s not gonna work with him, but he made me feel something huge for the first time since I was little. Since before my mom left and everything got messed up.”
Hearing these words roll off her tongue was like a punch to the gut in a bad bar fight.
“I’m sorry that I wasn’t honest,” she said softly. “It just felt so strange and unique and everything in between, I wanted to keep it to myself.” She shot me a sideways glance, a small line appearing between her brows as she added, “Plus you and I had crossed so many boundaries, and I was so ashamed of the way I acted. You didn’t deserve to be taken advantage of like that. You’re right, I did run, but for good reason. From you. From him. From everyone.”
My mind whirled as I listened, struggling to find an argument that would make her stay.
“Listen to me,” I said, trying to keep the desperation I was feeling out of my voice. “You didn’t deserve for me to start any of this, but some things happen for a reason. Like us. I pushed my way in because I had to. There was something driving us to be together, but I should have seen you weren’t ready. I left myself wide open for whatever you did. My heart was on my sleeve, and now I need to tuck it back in. For a while, anyway. Because I’m waiting for you, Bess.”
She wiped her face. A tear had made its way down her cheek, making me want to pull her in and kiss her. But that wasn’t where we were. She wanted to be friends. Friends who’d fucked a few times.
She reached for the handle and popped the door open. “I’m sorry. I have to go,” she blurted before she ran back to her meeting.
And I fell off the wagon. All because of some sweet piece of cunt.
