Two months later
LYNX SATin the wingback leather chair, her legs under her and her eyes closed. “I can’t seem to allow myself to forget or to forgive.”
“Lynx, it’s not about forgetting,” her shrink said matter-of-factly. “It doesn’t even have to be about forgiving. You can hold yourself accountable. Something good came out of your transgressions. Sammy is home, safe, and near you. This is about saying it happened, putting it on a shelf, and moving on.”
“What if I’m not supposed to move on?” Lynx leaned forward, the strap of her tank falling off one shoulder.
“Are you here? Breathing? Living? Talking to me?”
She nodded, shoving her hair into a knot.
“Then you’re supposed to move on.”
“I mentioned Marta to Mike. He feels bad. I could probably push him more on it, but I know I shouldn’t.”
Dr. Jensen set her pen and pad of paper onto her desk. She wore her black hair in a tight bun at her nape, a small rosary hanging around her neck. “It’s clear from how you describe him, Michael wants everyone to think of him as Big Mike—strong, protective, blind to pain and suffering. But he’s not. Inside, Michael is a kind human being, once emotionally abandoned by his parents. Like your friend Asher you always speak about, Michael has a rescue fantasy.”
“Do you think that’s what I am to him?”
“No,” she told Lynx point-blank. “I think you’re the love of his life. Do I think what happened with Marta was smart? Probably not. But somewhere in his subconscious, he was saving another innocent young woman from the streets. Like he picked up the pieces for your friend Lisa.”
Lynx nodded. She knew all this to be true, but was still was having a hard time getting over it. “I know, I know. I want to believe; that’s my problem.”
“If you know, you can believe. Close your eyes.”
With her eyes closed again, Lynx tried to push herself to a place of belief. It was like a bright light at the end of a dark tunnel ... she could see it but couldn’t touch it.
She’d been coming to therapy for a few months now, living with Mike for two of them, and she needed to put this to bed. All the worrying, thinking, rehashing was taxing her.
“What do you see?” Dr. Jensen asked her.
“I see a life, a good one, a decent one. I want to be done with all this—no offense. Like wiping sand off my hands, I want to brush this all away.”
The doctor blew out a small breath. “Tell me about the life you see.”
“Michael, older, more distinguished-looking, even more successful. A house by the water, a kid, my sister with us around a fire pit, making s’mores.” Lynx laughed on the last word. “You know, I’ve never made s’mores. I heard about them from the kids at school while growing up, and I’ve seen them at movies. I want my kids to make s’mores with Michael.”
“That sounds like a wonderful life. It’s the most natural instinct to want more for our kids than we had.”
Feeling a tear slip from the corner of her eye, Lynx kept her eyes squeezed shut.
“But I have to say this,” Dr. Jensen said. “What you’re here for, what you did, it isn’t something that can be wiped away. Look at me, Lynx.”
Reluctantly, she opened her eyes.
“Your past, your mom, the decisions you made, all of those are part of you. What we need to do is shelve the negative and ground ourselves in the positive. You helped rescue your sister, and you helped shed light on this situation. Your book would serve to help others. Speaking of which, what did you decide to do about the book? I know the deadline to let them know was a few days ago.”
“I want to believe that. I’m reaching for that life. But it’s not easy. I have a lot of ghosts. As for the book, it’s a yes. I’m doing it.” Lynx finally smiled, and felt it reach her eyes. “Strange how I can be so happy about it, but I am. I feel like many tears will be shed, but the writing will help, I hope. Help others.”
“I will help you. Putting your experiences and thoughts down in writing so others can learn will be cathartic, Lynx. I’m so very proud of you.”
Lynx could feel herself practically glowing as happiness filled her veins.
“I understand. Listen, our work may not be done for a while, but I believe you’ll be having a good life soon, long before we’re finished. A deserving life, Lynx, one with meaning and purpose. When the ghosts loom too large, we need to shut them down. Not with scratching our palms and looking for blood. With talking, long walks, meditating, making love, whatever works.”
“Thanks,” Lynx said with a nod, praying the woman’s words were true. Lynx had agreed to publish the book because she wanted good to come out of her undoing. She never wanted another young girl to be lured into sex trafficking, whether to make money or for any other reason.
“It’s going to be an incredible journey,” Dr. Jensen said. “I can’t wait to read a first draft. So, when do you start?”
