LYNX METNatalie at the park the following day, and watched with equal parts pride and envy as Natalie played with the twins. They were adorable, Lillie dressed in a white tank and a pink tutu, and Parker clad in tiny jeans and a white T-shirt—like a mini Nat and Asher.
Want and need burned in Lynx’s belly. She’d never had a normal family life growing up, never imagined being a parent one day, but suddenly it didn’t seem so far-fetched. Maybe one day she could?
“I’m so glad you’re going to see someone,” Natalie said as she pushed Parker in the swing.
“It’s time, I guess. I’ve been moping around here. Even Sammy is doing better than me. I need to pull my life together once and for all, stop lying to myself that I’m okay, and stop ruining the lives of everyone around me.” Lynx pushed Lillie, the desire to have her own child raging. Lillie’s hair blew in the wind, taking flight with every push.
How did Michael know these private thoughts of hers? It was like they were meant for each other.
“Aw, honey, don’t think that. You don’t ruin anything.”
“Look at how I lied to you in the beginning about what I was really doing. And what about how Mike learned about Quinn? All of it, it was messed up back in Vegas, and then I made it all worse down here.”
“You didn’t. I know it. You did what you thought was right. This is why I’m so glad you’re going to see the doctor.”
“Higher,” Parker yelled.
“Okay, you little daredevil. Just like your dad, my big, bad boy.”
“Make it higher!”
Natalie pushed the swing a little higher, and Parker pumped his short legs. “How’s Mike? He’s being patient?”
“More than I deserve.”
“Lynx, I’ve known you a long time now, trusted my own child with you back in the day. You deserve the world. Stop with all this negative talk. You’re too good for that.”
She shrugged. Some days she agreed, others she didn’t.
“One day, this’ll be you. A bunch of kids. Mike taking care of you and them. He’ll be a great dad.”
“I was just thinking about that earlier. It’s like my thoughts are playing out on my face these days.”
“I could tell. You had this far-off, rosy-cheeked look. I know the look, honey.”
“Oh, please ...”
“Oh, please, nothing. Come on, let’s take these monkeys to the coffee shop.”
LYNX TEXTEDMike when she was finished with coffee.
LYNX: I’m done with Nat. Want to walk thru hotel?
A few minutes later, the little bubble with three dots appeared on her phone.
MIKE: Almost done with Ash. Quinn wants to come with us. Cool with you?
Lynx hadn’t spent much time with Quinn since she’d left Vegas. She worried he knew what she’d done for a living. For some reason, she wanted to remain pure and good in his eyes.
LYNX: Are you sure? I can do it later?
This time, the bubble with the three dots came immediately.
MIKE: Babe, 110% sure. Come now. Quinn loves you.
He could read her thoughts. There was no other explanation.
Taking a deep breath, Lynx went to her car and took a moment or two behind the wheel. Tomorrow, she had an appointment with Dr. Jensen. She could do this, paint herself a new color. A bright one—yellow like the sun, or bright orange like the horizon.
A happy color.
