A Middle Eastern melody filtered through speakers as we were seated directly across from the kitchen in a dark blue leather banquette for two.
“This is gorgeous,” I noted.
“It’s a far cry from a steakhouse.”
“I was sort of thinking that. It’s definitely a nice change of pace.”
When the server came, Drew ordered a large bottle of sparkling water and a Scotch on the rocks. I ordered a glass of Israeli cabernet.
We made more small talk until the drinks arrived. “We’re taking our time,” Drew told the server, “and going to have our drink and then order.”
The server hurried away, and after a clink and a toast to reunions, Drew asked the sixty-four-million-dollar question.
“When do you think you’re going to let me all the way back in? In every way, Jules?” He tossed back a healthy dose of Scotch, his Adam’s apple dipping with each swallow.
“Drew,” I whispered.
“I don’t want to make small talk. I want to talk for real. I’m sorry for what I did, pushing you away, but if I thought for a minute that all of this was about to happen—Darla, you dropping out of school, waiting tables ... Christ.” He slammed his drink down.
“Please don’t cause a scene.” I reached across the table and placed my hand on top of his. My fingers pressed into his skin, and tingles ran through me. “I was so broken when you left. I’d been through a mess at my other school, and I knew being with you was wrong. It was like I was binge-watching horror movies, except they were real, the mistakes of my life on a continuous loop.”
He flipped our hands and squeezed my fingers tightly.
“When you up and left, it was a bold reminder of what I did was wrong ... again.”
He shook his head. “You know what happened in California wasn’t your fault.”
“Yes.” I took a large sip of my wine. “I do, but it was like I kept putting myself in positions where I was screwing up.”
“You can’t seriously believe that shit.”
“I don’t know what I believe. When I found out I was pregnant, I decided to start over. Dropped out of school, started using my middle name, and hauled ass to North Carolina. For some reason, it was easier being all by myself. Anything from my former life reminded me of you. I can’t explain it, but all I wanted was to be someone new.”
“Have you been happy?” His eyes were like daggers, ready to stab the truth out of me.
“I can’t really answer that. Darla makes me so happy. She’s a beautiful and strong little girl, and I’m raising her all on my own, no frills. But I’m lonely a lot of the time. When Dar is asleep or at school, doing laundry or shopping isn’t exactly fulfilling.”
“I haven’t been happy. Actually, I’ve been a sorry sack of shit for years. The last five years, all I’ve done is think of you.” He picked up his glass, the ice clinking against the side, and finished off the amber liquid.
“What about the other two years?” It was a stupid question, and I should have left it alone.
“Truthfully, the first year I was pretty much drunk on the weekends or working. Then I sobered up and made several big hits while screwing my way through women. It wasn’t very satisfying. They weren’t you, physically or personality or anything. I took all my anger out on my body, working out until I was exhausted.”
I nodded and finished off my wine.
Like I said, I shouldn’t have asked. I hadn’t slept with anyone since before Darla was born. Since Drew left Ohio.
“We’re going to make this right, Jules. I never stopped caring for you. I already can’t imagine a life without you and Darla. We’ll make it right, and I hope in a few short weeks or months, you’ll allow me to take care of you.”
“God, I wish it were that easy.” I dropped my forehead in the palm of my hand, when I really felt like slamming it into the table.
“We don’t have to make this hard.”
“Darla thinks her dad just couldn’t be with us. It’s so stupid, the rock bottom of excuses, but I could never bring myself to say anything disparaging about you,” I whispered to the table.
“I get it; we’ll work through it. Right now, let’s eat and relax.”
I looked up. “How do you know to say all the right things?”
