"I started three different figurines, and each time I tried to capture Wonder's features, your face emerged instead. I thought I was losing my mind. Then I was hit by a vision of you,obviously pregnant and looking desperate." He let his gaze drop briefly to her rounded belly. "You were looking directly at me as if you could see me. Your eyes were trying to communicate something, but you didn't say anything. I interpreted that as you asking for my help."
Tula's hand moved to her stomach. "I didn't reach out to anyone, and certainly not to you. I hadn't even been thinking about you. I mean, I did think about you a little when Wonder told me you had been found, but that was months ago. I don't understand it."
"I don't think these visions were conscious on either of our parts." Esag tried to organize his thoughts and explain something he barely understood himself. "At least not at first. That initial connection when I was carving and you appeared in my vision happened without either of us intending it. I think it was the Fates' doing, but don't ask me why."
"For me, it wasn't a vision," she said. "I dreamt about standing in your tiny workshop and wondering why I was there. I thought that you needed my help, that you were haunting my dreams because you were seeking my forgiveness. I couldn't chase your sorry image out of my head, so the next day I took a nap in the hopes of seeing you again in my dream so I could tell you to stop bothering me."
"And you did." He smiled. "You blamed me for hurting Gulan and told me you hated me for leading her on when I was engaged to Ashegan."
Her eyes were wide with wonder. "That's precisely what I dreamt. You saw it in a vision?"
He nodded.
"I saw more details this time," she said softly. "You had hundreds of carved figures arranged in groups on shelves. I could even smell the wood shavings and linseed oil."
"That's incredible."
Tula nodded. "You looked straight at me and said hello as if I was actually there. I asked you why you were haunting my dreams and told you that if it was to seek my forgiveness, you could stop because I would never forgive you."
"And I said I didn't know that I was supposed to seek your forgiveness."
"You said something about making amends for disappointing people."
He nodded. "I did, and you accused me of being selfish. We talked about Ashegan, and I told you that I was about to tell my father that I was breaking off the engagement the same night Gulan ran away."
"I didn't believe you, but I was touched by you carving the people you lost, and the love and sorrow you poured into your work. That almost made me forgive you. Then you said that I remind you of your sisters and all you have lost because of Mortdh."
"You started crying," he said in a near whisper. "You said that we were not the same and that I didn't understand you."
Tula's eyes misted with tears. "You couldn't understand my fear. Have you ever fathered a child?"
"Not that I know of. I hope not. I would hate to think that a child of mine grew up somewhere in the world without me knowing about it. Without me helping in some way, at least financially."
She looked at him for a long moment. "Then perhaps you understand a little of what I've been going through. I couldn't tolerate the thought that my child would be taken away from me to be raised in the Dormants' enclosure as Navuh's son and turned into a soldier in his army. I was willing to do anything to avoid that future, including ending my life and the life growing inside of me. I prayed to the Fates to forgive me and let us both be reborn as free people next time."
"I get it," he said. "I guess I would have felt the same."
She tilted her head. "Would you, really? I don't see you as the type who would end his own life to prevent the suffering of another."
And…she was back. The combative Tula, who turned every moment of connection into another fight. Perhaps she was afraid of connecting to anyone?
"Well, maybe I wouldn't have." He leaned back in his seat and lifted the bottle of water to his lips to wet them. "Maybe I would have considered that the unborn child might enjoy being a soldier in Navuh's army. Not everyone is born to be a pacifist. Some thrive on violence. Especially men. I would have thought that maybe it wasn't up to me to decide whether my son lived or died. That maybe I should leave it up to the Fates."
Tula's eyes blazed, and he braced for the retort he knew was coming, but then she shook her head. "You are right, and all of those thoughts have occurred to me. Did you have any more visions of me?"
Evidently, he wasn't the only one who had matured over the millennia. Tula had also learned to control her temper to somedegree. Although that might change when she heard of his next vision.
"Did you have any more dreams involving me?" he asked. "Did you feel me in the background when you were awake?"
Frowning, Tula shook her head. "No, why?"
"Because my third vision of you was different." He hesitated, uncertain how much to share. "I wasn't observing you or talking to you. I was sharing your consciousness. Experiencing the world through your eyes, feeling what you felt."
Her eyes widened. "That's so invasive. You had no right?—"
"I didn't choose to do it," Esag interrupted what would no doubt bloom into a tirade if he let it. "Do you think I wanted to be thrust into someone else's mind without warning? To feel emotions that weren't mine, think thoughts that weren't my own? It was deeply disturbing."
Tula fell silent for a moment, and when she spoke again, her voice was softer. "What did you see when you were inside my head?"
