I smiled at him but didn't say any of the things burning on my tongue. That I liked when he talked about his son. That I wanted to hear more about him—the messy, complicated parts too. That it soothed my nervous system when we talked like this, calm and straightforward. I loved when we held verbal knives to each other's throats but I needed the other side of it too.
We lingered there another moment, silent and half hidden along the side of the building. He gave nothing away and it made me want to crack his skull open and poke around with chopsticks until I found his secrets.
"Should we—?" I motioned to the car.
"It's usually about a five-hour drive," Jude said. "But there's some damage from the storm. Might take a little longer."
"Okay." I couldn't pin down whether he was waiting for me to snatch my wrist back or there was more road info to impart but I bobbed my head and waited. "That's good to know."
He stared at my wrist for a long moment, watching as he stroked my pulse again. "I probably should've done this sooner but?—"
He jerked a shoulder up and I interpreted that to meanBut it's been a fucked-up few days. Maybe I was being generous and it was more likeBut I've avoided open communication at every possible turn. Probably a mix of both.
"Anyway, you're going to need this."
He pulled a small velvet box from his pocket with his free hand. He popped it open to reveal a delicate gold band topped with a pale purple gem cut in an oval shape.
It was lovely. Slightly unusual but still classic. Elegant.
And the exact ring I'd described when we were seventeen and promising away our forevers. We'd sat at the window table at Semantic while he sketched the ring in his notebook and asked me to tell him who we'd be when we grew up.
I'd made him promise not to propose with a ring hidden in food or drink because I'd find a way to choke on it. He'd made me promise to marry him as soon as we finished college.
Seeing it now, real and solid as he slid it onto my finger, was like waking up in the middle of a dream and not being able to figure out where the dream ended and reality began. Or had it been a nightmare? Wasthisthe nightmare? Would I wake up any second and be reminded that losing everything I'd loved over and over again was the best I could expect from this?
"It fits," was my only response.
He twisted the band, settling it so the hefty stone sat perfectly on my finger. "Hmm. Yeah. I eyeballed it."
He remembered.He remembered every detail, right down to the millwork on the band. The stone was even the size I'd requested—about as big as an almond. I couldn't remember why that'd been important to me but he'd remembered it all. "It's…it's incredible."
Jude held my wrist as he led me across the parking lot. "Okay, good, let's go," he murmured, opening the passenger door.
He waited for me to drop into the seat and then pointed out the hot water and assorted breakfast items he'd sourced from the diner before closing my door.
I blinked down at the ring I'd wished for half a lifetime ago as he rounded the car. I didn't want to tell myself stories about what this ring meant but it wasn't easy.
The only thing I knew to be true was that Jude hadn't forgotten.
He glanced over as he started the car and caught me staring at the ring. His face tightened into his signature scowl and I realized he'd gathered up all the armor he'd abandoned at the side of the building. He shifted into reverse and draped an arm over my seat as he surveyed the parking lot. I was positive he was going to run a hand through my hair or down my arm. I knew something was going to happen.
But all he said was, "Don't worry, it's not real. I found a place online with next-day shipping."
I was right about something happening. I just hadn't expected it to be a guillotine snapping my silly shreds of hope. "What a relief." My voice sounded distant and robotic.
"I knew my mother would ask."
"Mmm. I can imagine she would."
I held the paper cup between my palms and stared out the windshield as Jude merged onto the highway.
We didn't say another word to each other for the next six hours.
chapter twenty-five
Jude
Today's vocabulary word: prevalance
