"I don't know if you've noticed but I'm basically a cautionary tale. I did start this visit by saying I'm breaking down like the T at rush hour."
She closed my bag and towed it to the front door. Even though I only had about twenty minutes to spare, we settled on the sofa.
"I see your breakdown and I raise you an epic catastrophe of my own," she said.
"I'm not going to fight you for this crown because it's made of bullshit and therapy bills but I'm just saying you have a lot more going for you than you think, Ruth. The first thing that comes to mind when I think about you is how stunningly capable you are. And I have such a good time when I'm with you because you're funny and real, and real people are actually very hard to find these days." I shifted toward her, folding my legs in front of me. "The fact that you didn't blink twice when you walked into this mess and then proceeded to fold my underwear tells me everything I need to know about you. So, believe me when I say this catastrophe is going to run and hide when it sees you coming."
"It's…nice to hear that. Thank you. But this isn't something I'm going to be able to litigate away."
"Okay." I tried to focus enough to be more than a scatterbrained mess for her. "What's up? How can I help?"
She met my gaze for a beat before dropping her head into her hands and letting a breath rush out of her. "I'm pregnant."
I stared at her for one long, unblinking moment. "Oh, honey. Are you all right?"
"I don't know."
Tears started rolling past her hands and down her cheeks. I leaned in, wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "I know, sweetie. But it's going to be okay. I promise. We'll figure it out."
"I haven't told anyone," she said through sobs and hiccups, "and I just don't— My mother— Ican't— And it was just the one time! Well, the one weekend. And then there's my job and?—"
Bagel bounded into her lap and, for the second time this morning, chased away a rush of overwhelmed tears.
"You're a very nice dog," she said to him. "Even if you are contemptuous."
A cheery knock sounded at the door before it swung open. "Hello, hello! Auntie Jamie's here for time with my bestie Bagel—" She caught sight of us and her eyes went wide. Then she darted for the sofa, flinging her arms around us and pulling us in for a squeeze. "You don't have to tell me what's going on. Just let me know if I need to have someone killed."
I caught Ruth's eye. She let out a watery laugh. "I don't think so," she said. "Not yet, at least."
"The offer stands," Jamie said.
"You guys are really good friends," Ruth said.
"We know," Jamie said. "Now, it's time to get this girl to the airport."
chapter sixty
Jude
Today's vocabulary word: mediate
I cameto the end of the hall, checked my phone, and turned back to start my tenth lap though that didn't include the first half hour of laps when I'd been too busy coming up with awful scenarios in my head to bother counting.
The judge called Percy into her chambers forty-two minutes ago. I kept telling myself this was a good thing. My kid only talked when he had something to say. It had to be good.
Unless it wasn't, in which case—Fuck.No. I wasn't going there. Couldn't.
Either way, the gash on his forehead and matching black eyes didn't help. Didn't help one bit.
I checked my phone again. I'd messaged Audrey earlier, hoping she could distract me with pics of Bagel and stories from her classroom, but she hadn't replied. It was strange being away from her after the past few weeks of seeing her every day. I didn't like it.
I passed my attorney though she was too busy hammering away at her laptop to bother glancing up at me. That was fine. Eye contact probably added another billable hour to my tab.
As I made the turn at the end of the hall, I noticed Maddie staring at me. She stood square in my path, hands clasped in front of her though I knew she wanted to prop them on her hips. That was her default stance which meant this apparent request for my attention was something out of the ordinary.
"Hi," she said as I approached. A quick wave and then that hand found her hip for a fleeting second before dropping to her side.
I rocked back on my heels as this transpired. The truth was, I didn't want to chat with Maddie today. We spoke through our lawyers because she'd filed this petition before even asking me about visitation. Because these proceedings had my kid confused and stressed, and he'd already been through enough. Eventually, I said, "Hi. What's up?"
