"Do you like baking videos?" I asked.
The masher held in one hand like a sword, he typed out his response. "Daddy and I watch them all the time."
"Yeah? Do you have any favorites?"
He started mashing, giggling at the squelching sounds the squash made. "Just your videos."
I stumbled back a step, gripping the edge of the counter for balance. "My videos?"
He glanced up at me, a few specks of squash on his glasses. Nodding, he responded, "We watch all your videos. If Daddy isaway when a new one comes out, he saves it for when he's home and we can watch it together."
I felt cold and hot all at once. There was some static in my head and I had to work hard at swallowing. I really would've preferred the paranoia.
"Daddy tried to make your apples but it didn't come out good."
Nodding, I pushed off the counter and started tossing ingredients in the mixing bowl for the cinnamon roll dough. It helped that I could do this without thinking.
"Maybe he used the wrong kind of apples," Percy went on. "I didn't tell him because he was sad they were so mushy."
"That happens sometimes." I added a cup of squash to the mix. I should've weighed it. I always weighed my ingredients when testing recipes but I couldn't focus on anything other than the fact that Jude and Percy followed my blog. They watched my videos. They'd tried my recipes.
And in all the time we'd spent together this month, Jude hadn't mentioned a word of it to me.
"Daddy says you're the—" The robotic voice cut out and I glanced at Percy to find him glowering at the screen. He sighed and lifted his hands, one above his head and the other over his belly.
I knew what that sign meant immediately. "Oh. Yes. Ballerina," I said. "I am. I was." He signed something but I wasn't sure if I understood. "Why? Does this meanwhy?"
I gave my best imitation of the sign and his face lit up in a toothy smile as he nodded.
"I used to be a ballerina," I said simply. "I'm not anymore."
I switched on the mixer as he signed and then used his tablet to ask, "Why not?"
"Before I answer that deeply personal question, let me ask you something, my friend. Will you help me learn how to sign?You can use the app to tell me the words and then show me the sign."
His tablet read, "Yes," as he signed it.
"Just like that," I said. "I was a ballerina when I was in high school. I loved dancing very much but then some things changed. I didn't want to dance anymore."
"Do you still love it?"
"Yes," I said automatically.
He dragged his teeth over his bottom lip as he tapped the screen and I worried he'd ask some intense follow-up questions that I didn't have the heart to answer. "Can we bake tree cakes and make a video together?"
Profound self-analysis averted for another day. "We'll have to ask your dad first and if it's okay with him, we can research some recipes and give it a try."
"He'll say yes," he responded. "I know it. He loves your videos a lot."
Yeah, apparently.
Audrey: guess who showed up at my door last night
Jamie: I'll play this game but only if the answer is Daddy Fiancé
Ruth: yeah same
Ruth: though I've been at work since before the sun was up this morning so I'd still play along even if it's just an obnoxious dude selling solar panels who asked to speak to the "man of the house"
