When I headed back to the side door to collect the rest of my grocery order, I found Percy there, one reusable shopping tote slung over his shoulder and a butternut squash tucked under his arm.
"Look at you! Such a big helper," I said, hurrying to his side. One of those bags had four dozen eggs in it and I understood enough about Bagel's personality to know he'd probably choose this minute to come barreling around the corner and scramble the whole lot of them. I couldn't stomach that. Not in this economy. "That's a super huge squash. You must have some serious muscles."
He beamed up at me as I slipped the bag from his shoulder. We deposited the items on the countertop and went back for the rest.
"I usually bake bread every Saturday but I haven't baked any all month long. Can you believe that?" I asked as I dropped to my knees and peeked into each bag to locate the eggs. "I'm going to make a few loaves today and try out some new recipes. Would you like to be my assistant?"
Percy nodded eagerly and flung himself at me, his arms locking around my neck with more force than I expected. It took me a second to react but then I laughed and patted his back. I couldn't get over how adorable and sweet he was.
He'd tried to teach Bagel the basics of dog park dynamics yesterday. I wasn't sure he knew them himself but his commitment to it was completely precious. Unfortunately, Bagel wanted nothing to do with the dog park. Or dogs, for that matter. And probably all other parks too. None of this deterred Percy. He decided on the walk home that Bagel simply needed some beast training. He was not willing to elaborate on the specifics of beast training.
Later, when we ventured into Boston to wander through the Public Market and visit one of my favorite playgrounds, he insisted on walking with Jude and me on either side of him and holding both our hands. He said it was to preventJudefrom getting lost. This made sense, of course, since I knew my way around and Percy was obviously capable of navigating a major city on his own.
Jude only laughed at this. He didn't mind being the weak link and I kind of loved it. Fatherhood looked really good on him. Better than I could've imagined.
Still, it startled me how quickly we all fell into a comfortable rhythm, as if we'd just been waiting to come home to each other. I hadn't been prepared for Percy to immediately fold me into the life he led with Jude. Whether he was moving my foster dog's crate into his bedroom or giving me a knowing look while his father pointed at an airplane coming in for a landing at Loganand rambling off his opinion on the make and model, he held nothing back.
And he was so open with his affection, always reaching for my hand, climbing into my lap to capture my full attention while telling a story, or resting his head on my shoulder when he was tired. He'd asked for a hug at bedtime last night and it loosened something in me that I hadn't realized to be so tight.
Then there was Jude. If I had to draw a pie chart to represent the part of me that was still pissed off and the part that understood and accepted why he'd left after the wedding, the pissed off version would make for a bigger slice of pie than I wanted to admit.
I didn't want to be upset about this. I didn't want it taking up space in my body. I understood what happened and why but I hated feeling as though I wasn't worth a call or even a text. Even if this thing we had going was fragile and glaringly undefined, I didn't like feeling like I could be left waiting. I didn't want this new and improved version of us to start off that way.
But Jude was trying so hard to make up for it. He wouldn't agree to the crazy burger place Percy wanted for dinner until I promised there were multiple safe, appealing items on the menu for me. And then he asked the server for a flight of ciders when I couldn't decide between a few that I liked. When we got back home, he put Percy to work preparing Bagel's dinner and then insisted they'd take the dog for his evening walk while I read my book.
He went looking for my lawn mower this morning and discovered that my garage door opener had died many years ago, and immediately went to work rebuilding the whole sorry thing. He also decided to replace all my exterior light fixtures too. Just grabbed his keys, asked if I knew about the rusted-out sockets (no), if I had a preferred hardware store (also no), and said he'd be back within thirty minutes.
He was back in twenty and had been busy with the lights and the garage door and god only knew what else since.
"Here's what we're going to do," I said to Percy once we had the grocery order unpacked and the eggs safely stowed. "We're going to start with a regular old loaf of sourdough. That's my favorite."
Percy bobbed his head as he tapped the screen of his tablet. "I know," said the mechanical voice.
"Do you like it too?"
"Daddy says I've tried it but I don't remember."
I grabbed my sourdough starter from the shelf. Jamie named it Doughlene. "We'll start with that and then we'll prep some cinnamon roll dough but we're going to make it a very special butternut squash cinnamon roll dough. Lots of autumn vibes. Perfect for Thanksgiving season. If we have enough squash leftover, we'll try a pumpkin cinnamon raisin bread that I've been thinking about. How does that sound?"
"Yes, please!"
I found a small apron for Percy and put him to work at the stand mixer. He was great at gradually adding flour to the mixture and keeping an eye on the dough hook while I peeled and roasted the squash.
I heard the side door close and then Jude strolled through the kitchen, his baseball cap pulled low over his brow and three screwdrivers tucked into the back pocket of his shorts. He had a pair of sunglasses hooked in the neck of his t-shirt and he wore the kind of intense, focused expression that creased his brow and had firmed his jaw. I loved intense, focused Jude. He wasn't great at snapping out of that state but that didn't bother me.
He stopped and eyed us for a second before asking his son, "Are you helping or creating chaos?"
"He's my assistant," I said. Percy nodded in agreement.
He pointed at Percy. "That does not answer my question."
Percy tapped his screen. "I'm helping."
"Do you see chaos here?" I asked.
Jude swept a gaze over the ingredients on the island, the bowls waiting on the side countertops. "If I say yes, will you kick me out?"
I crossed my arms over my chest. "Probably."
