I shrugged as if my grip on the fake side of this marriage arrangement wasn’t precarious at best. “No problem.”
For several minutes, the meal served as an adequate distraction for everyone. Gennie was busy deconstructing everything on her plate and picking out the bits she deemed palatable while Shay kept up a running chorus of murmurs and quiet groans. I did my damnedest to exist without making anything awkward.
It was unproductive to admit this but I’d harbored a slight hope that Shay would’ve walked downstairs and reacted to this little celebration by rushing over and throwing her arms around me and demanding I reciprocate. These were the hopes I’d always harbored, the ones that always went unfulfilled. And this was a problem I created for myself. Over and over and over I expected an outcome that would never materialize.
Hell, I’dmarriedher on the off chance the playing field would shift and that outcome would move into my reach. But nothing had changed. Not really. I could throw all the birthday parties I wanted and pick her up at all the dive bars along the Narragansett Bay and give her everything she needed but none of it would change anything for us. It wouldn’t change anything for her.
And that was okay. I could live with that. I could shove the truth aside one more time, a thousand more times, if it meant she had what she needed. A birthday party, a ride home, a husband in name only. We were here now, we were in this, and it didn’t matter whether I’d vowed to save myself from falling down the same old hole for Shay Zucconi again. I had to accept that those fantasies of her running into my arms—and falling apart in my bed—were fully unattainable.
That wasn’t going to happen. Not to me, not in this lifetime.
It was time for me to accept that, even if parts of me died in the process.
“Have you heard about the Harvest Festival?” Gennie asked as she picked the breadcrumbs off her mac and cheese.
“Not too much, no,” Shay replied. “Do you want to tell me about it?”
“It’s this weekend. There’s a carnival and games and music, and a market too. Noah said I can have money to play the games. And there’s a face-painting booth too and you can get anything you want. Butterflies, stars, tigers, monkeys. Anything,” Gennie said, sounding very authoritative. “And a football game too but I don’t care about that.”
“It’s new,” I said, “in the past few years. It’s a community event but the high school boosters group organizes it.” He shook his head with a sigh. “Though I wouldn’t call anything they doorganized.”
“Everyone expects Noah to solve the world’s problems,” Gennie said.
Obviously, I had to be careful what I complained about around her.
Shay met my eyes with an amused expression.
I shrugged, adding, “It comes together in the end. It’s not bad. Farmers market, food trucks, art fair, plus everything else. It raises some money for class trips and grad night events so that’s positive.”
“And Noah got other people to work at the farm tent so I don’t have to do the pay machine.” Gennie aimed very wide, very hopeful eyes at Shay and I knew what she had up her sleeve. “Will you come with us? We could go on the rides together and play games and get frozen lemonades and—”
“Slow down,” I said to my niece. “You need to take at least five more bites if you want to have cake tonight.”
Shay fought off a smile as Gennie counted out exactly five bites and then announced, “Done. Now can we talk about the Harvest Festival?”
“It sounds like a lot of fun,” Shay said to her in a measured tone. “Maybe I can meet you there?”
There it was. The distance. The boundaries. I hated it but there was nothing I could do. This was my reality. Shay didn’t want any of the things I wanted and it didn’t matter how many times I kissed her in front of the entire town. None of it was real.
“I guess so.” Gennie pushed her plate away. “Can we open presents now?”
“Presents? No, no, no. This was all the gift I could possibly need,” Shay replied. She started gathering our plates, and when I tried to take them from her, she pinned me with a sharp stare. “I’m doing this. Be quiet.”
“You could ride in our car so Noah doesn’t have to drive you around the parking lot,” Gennie said. “Like he did after the other football game.”
Shay ducked her head, a smile pressing at her lips. “That is an excellent point.”
I glanced at Gennie while Shay was busy organizing the plates and dishes, and pointed to the gift-wrapped package on the island. Gennie got the hint and sprang up from her seat to retrieve it. “We picked this out special for you.”
Shay stared at me and gave a swift shake of her head. “You shouldn’t have.”
Before I could respond, Gennie tore the ribbon from the top of the package. “I’ll show you how to do this.”
“Thank you,” Shay replied, grinning as Gennie shredded the wrapping. “You’re very helpful.”
Gennie handed her the small white box. “Open it,” she urged.
Shay removed the lid and gasped softly. She glanced up at me and seemed poised to say something but Gennie was quick to steal her attention.
