“Yes,” Jaime yelled with a pump of her fist. “And she’s back in the saddle, folks.”
“Oh, no. There is no saddle and I am not in it,” I was quick to say. “We were really close friends—nothing more—in high school but it’s not the same now. Honestly, I don’t even think he likes me.”
“The boy brought you bread,” Emme said. Jaime flailed her arms in agreement. “That’s not usually how someone expresses their disinterest or apathy.”
Exasperated, I said, “He just wants my land.”
Jaime propped her hands on her hips. “Yeah, I’d say so.”
“Your mind is lusty garbage,” I replied. “No, I mean he wants this land. The farm. It’s the only reason he offered to marry me. That’s why he came here and brought the bread. He wants to know if I’ve decided.”
“Now I’m up,” Grace called.
“Shaylene Joann Zucconi,” Jaime roared. “You’ve been keeping secrets, young lady.”
“You know that’s not my middle name.”
“Yes, but it felt like a Joann moment,” she replied.
“Did he actually propose?” Emme asked.
I paused. “Maybe? Sort of?” I held out my hands. “I mean, yes. In a sense. It wasn’t a proposal but more like,hey, you need to get married to inherit this place and I want some of your land so let’s do this thing.”
“How does she have two proposals under her belt and I can’t get agood morningtext?” Emme muttered.
“You didn’t think we’d want to know this four seconds after it happened?” Jaime asked. “I want to know why you kept it to yourself.”
“Because it’s not serious,” I said.
Jaime reached for my wrist and lifted the hand holding the paper bag. “The bread says otherwise.”
“Only because I went crazy for it the last time I had dinner at his house.”
“The last time you—” Jaime turned to Emme. “I can’t. I’m out of words. Help me, Emmeline.”
Emme patted Jaime’s shoulder and made a shushing noise. “I think what we’re trying to say is you’ve quietly cultivated a relationship with this guy and we are oh so very surprised by it all. Particularly the pending proposal. That’s very interesting and very surprising.”
“We are surprised,” Jaime said, drawing out each word.
“I just—” I stopped myself, not knowing what I meant to say. “He needed some cover from this woman who listens to people while they’re peeing because she’s a lot, and he’s not interested for valid reasons. That’s the only reason anything happened between us.”
“What does any of that mean?” Jaime asked.
“He needed a fake girlfriend,” Grace said.
I pointed in her direction. “Yes. That.”
“So, you helped him out,” Emme said. “You took that one for the team.”
“I did. Ihelpedhim,” I said. “And it’s the only reason he kissed me.”
“Oh my goddesses,” Jaime muttered.
“It was because this woman—” I continued.
“The one who listens to people while they’re peeing,” Emme said.
“—kept lingering and watching, and you really would not believe how persistent she is,” I said. “And that’s the only reason he kissed me.”
