Audrey had the wonderful gift of being able to ask questions that would sound insulting or possibly aggressive coming from someone else, but she spoke with the right amount of vulnerability and authentic desire to understand others. Rare was it that anyone received one of her questions with offense, even if her phrasing was blunt. I loved that about her. Every time I tried to emulate it, I failed spectacularly.
Audrey and I were the closest in age of our group. She was another thirtysomething while the others were closer to late twenties, all of us within five years or so of each other. Jaime was the baby at twenty-eight. I’d met her six years ago when I started teaching at my school back in Boston. We clicked immediately. If I’d met her in a nail salon or at a party or any random place, I would’ve claimed her as a friend. That we worked together came as an added bonus.
Emme and Grace met in teachers’ college. They lived together in a messy sublet situation where their rent was due in cash and had to be delivered to a little grocery store in Charlestown. But their place was really cheap and located in the heart of the North End, not far from Jaime.
If I hadn’t worked across the hall from those two, I doubt we’d have found each other. They were different from me and Jaime. Their humor bit harder, their smiles were darker, their vibes were more intense. And somehow it worked for me. Grace’s black-on-black style and Emme’s cynicism were necessary nutrients in my daily diet.
I never would’ve met Audrey because she was as silent as a shadow. If it hadn’t been for Emme dragging her to our group lunches around the half-moon table in Grace’s classroom every day, I’d have filed her away as someone who kept to herself and preferred some distance from her colleagues. But there was a deep blue ocean underneath that quiet surface of hers. She was the strongest of us five, in every possible way, and there was more connection in ten minutes of her sitting beside you in silence than a day with anyone else.
“It’s okay, honey,” Jaime said. “I am the most confused. I just named six people. There’s no way I can keep them all straight.” She belted out a laugh. “Maybe that’s the point. Nothing about us is straight.”
“As long as you’re happy,” Audrey said, “and safe.”
“All of the above,” Jaime said.
“I don’t think we’ve covered how this started,” Emme said from the tire swing. “Or if we have, I forgot. When did it end with that last person?”
The day was edging into evening now and we were halfway through a second pitcher of margaritas. As I’d suspected, hanging out in the garden was the best way to catch up—and there was a lot of catching up to do. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed since going catatonic after my wedding but also the weeks (months?years?) leading up to it. I didn’t love admitting it but the truth remained, my only focus had been preparing for the big day. Even before the final countdown, I’d been consumed with planning. It was the only thing I’d cared about. There was a month where I’dagonizedover my nails—shape, length, polish color. That these women hadn’t smothered me in my sleep ages ago was proof they were the best of friends.
“—and then, after the threesome, Keith was done. He was out and nothing was changing that. He thought he was into it. He wasn’t. Fine, no problem, I have no need for Bears fans in my life. But what I learned was that I didn’t want to tie myself to one person and try to make monogamy happen. It’s just not for me.”
“You’re not missing anything by sending Keith on his way,” Grace said. “That boy didn’t have the stones from the start.”
I wondered whether Grace knew my ex didn’t have the stones—and how long she’d known that. I wondered when I’d known.
I chased that thought away with a gulp of my drink.
“What about you, Shay? Getting over the ex by getting under anyone new?” Emme asked. “It’s the best medicine.”
As the question floated toward me, a familiar black pickup truck rumbled down the lane. I’d thought about him and then he appeared. Like I could conjure him on command. Now that—thatwas dangerous.
“Is it normal for random people to show up at your farm?” Grace asked. “Is this what small towns are all about or is this the gruesome start of a serial killer story?”
A door slammed shut, then another, and— “Shay! Guess what Dottie did today!”
“That sounds like a student,” Jaime said as she flailed, her swing twisting around and around as she turned, trapping her in the tire and preventing her from getting a look at the new arrivals. “I don’t think I’m so drunk that I’m hallucinating students but you do make a strong marg, Shay.”
I pushed out of my lawn chair as Gennie bounded over. “You’re not hallucinating. This is my friend, Gennie. She lives up the hill. Gennie, these are some of my friends from Boston.”
From the gravel drive, Noah lifted a hand in greeting. I waved back. We’d succeeded at being friendly though distant this week, and that seemed to be working well for us. Better this than debriefing our time together at the football game. Better this than explaining to myself why I’d let myself into the house last Friday night and promptly slid down the panel of the door, unable to catch my breath or make sense of the hum in my veins. Or the throb between my legs.
“I went to the dentist today,” Gennie announced. Completely oblivious to the tequila fog she’d walked into. “And then the doctor, who gave me four fucking shots—”
“Hello,” Emme yelped. She pushed to her feet and adjusted her bikini top. No amount of adjusting was going to help because she was busting out of that thing and she’d bust out of every bikini smaller than a two-person tent.
“And I didn’t get to have a playdate with you because of all that bullshit,” Gennie continued.
Jaime was still stuck in her swing and Grace edged her sunglasses down to get a look at this commotion but stayed put. I wasn’t sure but it seemed like Audrey might’ve dozed off under that floppy hat.
“See? Four,” Gennie said, inching up her shorts and pointing to the Band-Aids stuck high on her thighs.
“Now you have vaccine power,” Emme said, holding out her free hand for a high five. “Makes you strong. Gives your immune system some extra fighting strength.”
Noah came up behind Gennie and set a hand on her shoulder. He forced a stiff grin. “Sorry to interrupt. We didn’t know you’d be—” He glanced around, cleared his throat. “That you’re busy.”
“It’s okay,” I replied. “My friends came down from the city for a visit. This is Emme Ahlborg.” I motioned to her beside me and then the others. “That’s Audrey Saunders under that huge hat, Grace Kilmeade over there, and Jaime Rouselle is fighting with the swing. Everyone, this is Noah Barden and my very special friend Gennie. Noah, Gennie, this is everyone.”
A chorus of greetings went up. A light snore from Audrey.
