He glanced at his phone, asking, “You finally gave up the teaching thing?”
I couldn’t nail down whetherthe teaching thingannoyed me more thanfinally. He’d never overtly criticized my job but he’d often make jokes like “Calm down, it’s just kindergarten” or “It’s not like the kids will care if you make a mistake” or “For fuck’s sake, stop worrying about lesson plans and just show a movie.”
They didn’t sound like jokes anymore.
“I’m teaching in Rhode Island now.” He shot a puckered frown at me, as if none of that made sense to him. That expression made his eyes look especially beady. Another detail I hadn’t remembered. “So, what did you need to talk to me about?”
He reached into his pocket and retrieved some folded envelopes. “Some mail came to the condo for you.”
I blinked down at the pile in front of me. Credit card offers, coupon postcards for sales long past, a mobile phone statement. Garbage, mostly. I gathered the envelopes and smoothed them out. “This cannot be the reason you asked to meet with me as soon as possible.” His brows winged up and he leaned back. Before I could process that reaction, I said, “Get to the point, please.”
He glared at me, his mouth twisting hard to one side. I realized then that I’d never spoken to him that way. I’d never hurried him along or given any impression that I wasn’t completely satisfied with every square inch of him.
I’d never really existed in our relationship.
His throat worked as he swallowed. He swung a glance from one end of the tent to the other. Then, “I need the ring back.”
“The—the ring?”
“The engagement ring,” he said.
The second thing you needed to know about Xavier was that he didn’t spend a dime if he didn’t have to. He’d let everyone else spend the money and he’d never offer to return the favor although he wouldn’t let you forget it if he spent money on you. In other words, I’d expected he’d want the ring back sooner or later.
“I’m moving on,” he continued, an air of condescension heavy in his words as he ran a glance over my pink hair and gingham shirt. “With someone else. And I need to sell that ring to buy something new.”
“Are you moving on or did you move on a long time ago and now is a convenient moment to make it official?” I asked.
He gave a curt shake of his head, like I was silly for asking such questions. “You don’t have to be so bitter about it.”
“I’m not bitter in the least,” I said easily, though inside I was cracking and folding in on myself. I was such a fool.Again. I should’ve listened to Noah and Jaime. Should’ve known this was a mistake. For no good reason, I added, “Perhaps you could tell me why you asked me to marry you if you had other interests.”
With the edge of his collar, he mopped sweat from his upper lip. “You wanted it,” he said with a flippant jerk of his shoulder. “You made that very clear from the start and you never let me forget it.”
I tried to remember whether he’d always been this repulsive. Why had I found this man attractive? What about him had I liked? And it wasn’t all about physical appearance but everything about him was stale white bread. That was it. He was bland and boring, and righteous in his flavorlessness.
“And yet that doesn’t address the question,” I said. “Why propose if it wasn’t what you wanted?”
He shook his head and slapped a hand on the picnic table. The people on either side of us turned to stare. “I didn’t fucking care one way or the other.”
A chill started at the base of my neck, swept down my torso, curled low in my belly. It felt like dread and it felt like something I’d always known but couldn’t face. It was awful.
“Hooking up with you was convenient. You took care of the condo. You knew how to play along at cocktail parties and business dinners. But you were just”—he pounded his fist on the table several times and I noticed people pushing to their feet nearby—“nonstop with the marriage thing. Wouldn’t let it go.”
I’d always resented him for canceling the wedding with a phone call. I hated that he refused to look me in the eye as he ended it.
I knew better now. I knew that watching him form the words and giving oxygen to the dark thoughts that lingered in the mean, self-loathing corner of my mind was far, far worse.
“I figured you’d ease up once you had the ring,” he went on. I was frozen all the way to my toes now. “But I was wrong about that. You just turned into a nag. It was always fucking something.” He wiped his forehead again. I didn’t understand how he could be warm enough to sweat when I was as cold as a corpse. “You don’t know when to give it a rest, Shay. You force it. You do it all the damn time. You invent projects and force everything to be exactly the way you want.”
Jaime hadn’t said it that way but there were a few similar threads. I’d made up my mind about Xavier and no one could talk me out of it. I’d barreled forward, not only in ignoring her concerns but also in ignoring his disinterest. Not to mention the white bread issue. I’d ignored everything. And I’d forced it, just like he said.
He ran his sneering gaze over the shirt knotted at my waist, showing a bit of skin, and my huge earrings. “And I thought you were going to drop some weight. You didn’t.”
My lips parted but no words came out. I went down an entire dress size for that wedding. I suffered and starved for that wedding. And heknewthat.
He was also the same man who had given his family advance warning about calling the wedding off yet gifted me the humiliation of making that announcement while I was surrounded by photographers and makeup artists and friends.
I didn’t know where I found the strength but I collected the mail and pushed to my feet. “We’re finished, Xavier. Never, ever call me again.”
