Audrey’s mouth fell open. “Why not?”
“Because I’m there for a double stuffing of dick,” she replied. “Triple, if I like anyone enough to let them take the plug out of my ass.”
A throat cleared behind us and we all turned at once to see Ryan staring at us, his arms crossed and his eyes narrowed. I started to laugh but a sloppy, tequila-flavored hiccup burst out of me instead as the liquor plowed into me all at once.
“All right there, Muggsy?”
I lifted my fist of napkins and almost empty glass in a wobbly salute and hiccuped again. “As good as I’m gonna get.”
“Why does he call you that?” Audrey asked. “What does Muggsy mean?”
Ryan’s brow lifted as he crossed the room toward me. Once he had a hand settled low on my back, he frowned down at me and brushed a thumb over my cheek. “You want to tell them? Or should I?”
“It’s a dumb, tragic story.” I shook my head but that sent everything swimming. I felt a hand on my shoulder, then sliding up and down my arm. “When I registered for school in New Hampshire, my name got messed up on the paperwork. Every year, on every teacher’s class roster, it was Emmugglas. Like, Emme and Douglas smashed together for no good reason. They tried to correct it in the student database a million times but it never stuck. At graduation, they literally called Emmugglas Ahlborg.”
“And everyone called you Muggsy because of that?” Jamie asked.
“No, they called me Bitsy, short for Big Tits, because everyone felt it was best to identify people by cup size. It sounds bad but let me tell ya, I had it better than the gal they called Beesting.” I pointed at Ryan though I didn’t do it well because he caught my wrist and brought it to my lap. “He’s the only one who never called me Bitsy.”
They stared at me for a moment. At least it seemed that way. I was having a very hard time focusing on anything right now.
Then, Audrey said, “I don’t like any of that.”
“Such misogynistic bullshit,” Grace muttered.
“At least Daddy Football didn’t sexually harass her,” Jamie said.
“He didn’t. Not even once.” I shifted to stare up at him but his features all swam together. “I always hoped he’d slip up so I could make him admit he’d noticed me like that. Never did. Never ever ever.”
I tried to loop an arm around his waist but lost my bearings and started to slip off the stool. Everyone cried out and rushed forward as Ryan caught me but the room never did stop spinning.
“What’s going on with you?” He took a sip from my glass and grimaced. “Is this all you’ve had tonight? Any water? Food?”
“I’ve had all the broken crackers and a couple different allergy pills. And some Manchego.”
“Allergy meds and margaritas are a special combo,” Jamie murmured. “Especially if you enjoy sleeping like the dead.”
Ryan braced himself behind me, an arm low around my waist and the other gripping the island as if I needed a guardrail. “Right. Okay. I’m taking you home now. Where’s your bag?”
Grace hopped up. “I’ll get it and follow you outside.”
“But I need to hear about Jamie’s bunny sex party,” I argued.
“I got railed like six times and couldn’t remember where I put the butt plug so I left without it,” Jamie said with a limp fist pump. “It filled someone’s goody bag.”
“And you enjoyed all of that?” Audrey asked.
“It was okay. Most of the fun was getting ready and then walking around, seeing what was going on and what everyone was doing.”
“Walking around naked,” Audrey said.
Jamie grinned. “Yes, my darling, confirming once again I was bare as a babe.”
Audrey circled both hands. “And that was the fun part?”
“Yeah. I mean, the sex was…fine. Nothing to check off the vision board but good enough. Then I woke up the next day with another UTI,” she said. “Just a standard Saturday night for me.”
“I bake bread on Saturday nights,” Audrey said.
