The thing about Grace that most people misunderstood was that she wasn’t critical just to scratch a bitchy itch. She asked direct questions and framed things in ways that weren’t always soft or comfortable because that was how she cared. She was fiercely protective. She didn’t want anything bad to happen to the people she cared about.
And she also enjoyed busting balls when it was deserved.Killerreally wasn’t that far off base for her.
“I am,” I said carefully. “But I want to be really clear that this isn’t me rebounding from Teddy. I’m not jumping headfirst into the first lukewarm offer to come my way.”
Or that was what I kept telling myself.
“I wasn’t thinking that,” Grace said carefully. “I was thinking that you’ve always had a very…close relationship with Ryan, and I know how much he means to you. There’s a lot on the line.”
“I know,” I said, and I really did.
“If…anything happened,” she continued, “I wouldn’t want you to lose that relationship.”
“I know,” I repeated. “It’s something I think about a lot.”
Audrey peeled the lid off a Pyrex dish. “Cinnamon roll blondies,” she said. “Eat them so I don’t take them home.”
I stared at her for a moment, studying her light tan trousers and cream-colored turtleneck sweater. I didn’t know how she made it through a school day dressed like that. And do it in heels. My god, I’d die. I couldn’t make it through the morning without jabbing myself with whiteboard markers.
“Would you actually go through with it?” Grace asked. “Would you actually marry him because of this pact?”
“Only because of the pact? No. I’m excessive, but I’m not completely irrational,” I said. “There needs to be more.”
Like some soccer franchises owned by a disgustingly wealthy family that makes everyone’s personal lives a business matter and a blindingly vicious desire to make my ex regret his choices.
“So, what happens next?” Audrey asked as she cut a tiny cube of blondie for herself.
“I don’t really know. We’re hanging out right now. I’m going to some of his work events and he’s coming to the wedding with me. We’re just going to figure it out as we go. We’ll see if it makes sense.”
As I said it, I realized how it must sound to them. Like this was a fun little lark that probably wouldn’t lead to anything. Like we might realize this was nothing more than a silly teenage vow made at the edge of our lives.
Everyone was quiet for a long minute.
“What happens if you realize it makes total sense?” Audrey asked.
“It looked like it made sense this morning,” Grace said.
“The way he looked at you made all kinds of sense,” Jamie said.
I shoved a blondie into my mouth.
chapter nine
Ryan
Today’s Learning Objective:
Students will take calculated risks.
Nervouswasn’ta feeling I experienced.
Even before the playoffs and championship games, I’d be pumped, hyped,focused. Never nervous.
My coach in college liked to say I was fearless. That I didn’t break a sweat when the biggest, baddest defensive ends had me in their sights. That I put everything into the game and left it all on the field.
And yet here I was, holed up in a school principal’s office with sweaty palms and a swirl of adrenaline in my belly that made it impossible to stand still.
The last time I’d been this nervous—well, that’d involved Emme too. I should’ve known it would always be like this.
