Brie had started the day with another appeal for me to join the meeting she’d planned with our father. He’d be in town late next week. She insisted that leaving her to do this alone would be a betrayal. That she’d never do anything like that to me.
“This would be a perfect time,” Henry started, “for you to tell me what’s bothering you today.”
Another minute or two passed before deciding that I could share this with Henry and a few more before I figured out where to start. “My father has never been in the picture. Not even for a minute. But Brie got a hold of him, don’t ask me how, and she wants me to come with her to meet him. Next week.”
“What do you want?”
I laughed loud enough to startle a few birds into flight. Did it even matter what I wanted? Not to Brie. That was obvious. “I’m not interested in meeting him, but Brie has asked for my support.”
He chuckled, running his thumb over my knuckles. “How is it that you scare the shit out of the entire surgical wing on a daily basis but you let your little sister hold you emotionally hostage?”
“Wow. Okay.” A breath whooshed out of me. “That was direct.”
We neared the bend where the trail followed a small peninsula into the pond. “You don’t have to go, Whit.”
I nodded. I knew this. I knew I had a choice even if Brie refused to see it that way. “I know.”
“But you’re going to.”
“Probably,” I said miserably. “The thing is, Henry, I don’t want her to do this alone. I wouldn’t want anyone to do it alone. But I don’t want to sit through what will inevitably be an all-around train wreck of toxicity.”
“I’ll go with you.”
“No, you have better things to worry about than the live-action performance of my family’s ongoing paternity drama.You’re going into general surgery starting on Monday and I’d bet anything that Emmerling has the week packed top to bottom.” He had the audacity to look at me like I was exaggerating. As if I didn’t know exactly how hard Alexandra Emmerling worked her residents. “Trust me on this. She’s going to kick your ass.”
“I’m sure I can handle it. I did survive your service, you know, and there was no shortage of ass-kickings there.”
“You’re going to be busier than you think.”
“Then I’ll wear my running shoes,” he said. “But promise me one thing. If you do meet your father, call me when it’s over. I’ll come get you. You’re not allowed to go home alone.”
That sounded so much like the promise Meri and I made to each other to never cry alone. My chest pinched. “I promise.”
“That’s all I need.”
We walked a few more minutes in comfortable silence. It was easier now that I only had one boulder weighing me down. “So, now that your cohort knows?—”
“I don’t think they’ll mention it to anyone,” he said quickly. “But that is one of the things I want to talk to them about. It’s weird, right? We’ve lived in each other’s pockets since July, but the only response I get is some emojis and a donut photo.”
“And the question about the hepatobiliary conference.”
“Can’t forget that,” he muttered. “And we didn’t even celebrate the end of the peds rotation. It’s weird.”
“I’d agree with you if it wasn’t a holiday weekend.” I chose my next words carefully. “No elevators for us this week.”
“We’re going back to avoidance?”
I couldn’t miss the bitterness in his words. In all fairness, I was just as bitter. I was tired of calculating the exact minute when I could safely reach for his hand when we left the hospital every night. I was tired of going to Acevedo’s Thanksgiving party and acting like we weren’t going home together. I was tired of constantly crafting and revising a version of myself that wassuitable for the consumption of everyone else but failed to meet my basic needs.
“Just for a bit,” I managed. “We can stay away from each other until things settle down.”
Henry stopped walking and pulled me into his arms. His lips found my neck as I twined my arms around his broad shoulders. He really was a whole mountain range. “But what if you got lost?”
“If I gotlost?”
“Yeah. What if you wandered into those woods over there and got lost? What if I happened to find you? I am highly skilled in wilderness rescue. Would I still have to stay away?”
“I guess not.” I ran my fingers through his hair and I was hit with a memory of the night we spent together in Tahoe. I hadn’t been able to keep my hands out of his hair. It was soft and wavy, and every time I pulled, his eyes would darken and he’d get even more wild. “It’s not like I meant to get lost.”
