I closed my notebook. “Important?”
“It’s all important.” She pushed to her feet and I did the same. “Thank you.” She held out my jacket. “For this.”
“Keep it,” I said, backing down the row.
She thrust it toward me. “No. That’s unnecessary.”
“It’s always cold in here. You’ll need it for next time.” I motioned to the nearly empty room. “Unless you’re planning on sitting next to me again.”
“I’m not planning on it.”
I held out my hands, let them fall. “Maybe you should.”
Eight
Whitney
Rule Number Fifteen:
Don’t overshare, even when the conversation flatlines.
“And in general,I do agree with you,” Dr. Jurgen said. “Just because we were trained a certain way doesn’t mean that’s the only way to train new surgeons.”
Since I knew from experience that he was going to continue speaking regardless of whether I agreed, argued, or shape-shifted into a dolphin, I glanced over his shoulder to where Jenelle had a few resident cohorts circled up down the hall. She liked to run through highs and lows for the week and used that time to get a pulse on everyone. She was good about getting people extra help when they needed it and doing it without making them feel small.
I mean, she was one of the toughest fifth-years in the building and she didn’t let anyone get away with anything on her watch, but she never dropped the hammer unless it was fair and warranted.
If only surgeons fifteen years her senior could master the same skill.
Hell, at this point, I’d take surgeons who could acknowledge that it was a skill worth having.
For all his gifts and talents, it did not seem that Dr. Jurgen was one of them.
“As you’re well aware, we don’t always have time for niceties,” he went on. “I can’t stop to make sure everyone feels loved and appreciated while my patient is bleeding out on the table.”
A laugh rippled through Jenelle’s group and my gaze landed on Henry. I glanced back to Dr. Jurgen before Henry noticed. We didn’t need another accidental encounter.
“If there was one thing for your committee to reevaluate?—”
“As I knowyou’rewell aware, it’s notmycommittee,” I interrupted. “It’s a committee co-chaired by the Chief of Surgery and the hospital president, on an order from the Board. That I’ve taken on a leadership role in developing and disseminating this code of professional standards does not mean it isn’t the product of collaborative work.”
“Then I’ll take my issues to the board.”
“By all means. I’m sure they’d love the feedback. There was an extensive feedback period last spring when these standards were originally presented, but I’m sure they’d be thrilled to hear your thoughts now.” Since this week had drained me of all my better judgment, I added, “You should know that the board, the chief, the hospital president—they all know that we don’t always have time for niceties. That’s not new information. They also know that there is a difference between being tough and demanding and having high expectations, and toxic, abusive behavior. It’s pretty easy to see and it’s always surprising when otherwise smart, talented people don’t notice that difference.” I glanced down at my watch. “You’ll have to excuse me.”
He raked an irritable glance over my scrubs and clogs. “Then I take it you’re perfect at all of this.”
I took a minute to gather up the patience I required to explain that treating others with decency wouldn’t cost him anything before responding. “No, of course I’m not perfect. No one is. Not me, not you, not anyone else. But you’re good at vascular surgery, Jurgen, and from what I’ve heard over the years, you’re a good teacher too. So, what’s the real problem here?”
“I just think it’s unnecessary to take it all this far,” he said.
I nodded. I’d heard variations on that so many times.One resident kills herself and we have to change everything?As if she was the first resident to end her life. As if other outcomes—substance abuse, self-harm, and untreated depression and anxiety, not to mention throwing away years of medical training—weren’t also cause for action.
“Maybe for you it is unnecessary,” I said, though this conversation gave me some doubts. “Great. It isn’t for all of our colleagues. And without formal guidance, it’s a lot tougher to weed out the issues.” When his shoulders slumped in very reluctant agreement, I gave him a tolerant smile. “Now, you really must excuse me.”
Since I didn’t want to wait for an elevator while Jurgen lingered nearby, I headed down the hall toward Jenelle. I didn’t need another excessively intimate moment with Henry on hospital grounds, but I figured there were too many people around for that to happen.
Then what the hell happened in the auditorium?
