After a moment where it seemed like no one would ever speak to each other again, Tori said, “It was the pumpkin cheesecake.” She strolled toward the window, giving us her back. “I thought it was vegan. The OB fellow told me it was.” She shook her head. “Dairy protein destroys my gut. I can tolerate a small amount, but that night?—”
“She wolfed down three slices and was eyeing a fourth,” Cami said.
Tori hung her head. “Soon enough, I realized my mistake. I knew what was in store for me. That’s when I tried to round everyone up.”
Reza stepped forward. “I was looking at some of the rock specimens on display in Dr. Acevedo’s living room. His wife is a volcanologist. Her collection is exquisite. Back in my university days, I took some geology courses. I found myself intrigued.” He folded his arms across his torso. “I picked up one of the specimens. In hindsight, I know it wasn’t wise, but I was so curious. Just as I turned it over, a great, thundering noise came from behind me.”
“It was Tori,” Cami shouted, her entire body vibrating to the point that even her headband was falling off. “The thundering noise was her intestines revolting against dairy protein.”
“CCD, I realize how dangerous it is for me to say this, but you need to calm down,” I said.
“It startled me,” Reza went on with a shrug. “I dropped the specimen to the floor. It broke on impact.”
“There was nothing we could do,” Tori said. “It was in too many pieces and I didn’t have the time to stop and explain everything to the Acevedos.”
“What happened to the rock?” I asked.
Tori groaned. “Reza stuck it all in his pockets.”
He bowed his head. “It still brings me shame as I imagine they consider it stolen.”
I turned back to Cami. “And what is your role in all of this?”
“She was drunk,” Tori said.
Cami propped her hands on her hips and lifted her chin. “I was drunk,” she admitted. “It was my first big holiday away from my husband and my family, and I didn’t handle it well.”
“After everything that happened with the rock,” Tori said, “we just needed to get the hell out of there. So, I picked her up and?—”
“Youpicked her up?” I glanced around the group. “When was this? How did I miss it?”
“I have to assume it’s rather simple to miss these things when your entire focus is trained on one person,” Reza said.
I couldn’t help but grin. So, he’d noticed that. I motioned to Tori. “Keep going.”
“I picked her up and everything was fine until we hit that hallway area near the front door,” Tori said.
“Hazlette, you have to believe me when I say her gut sounded like a roller coaster. I thought there were people trapped in there. It was so loud and I was so hammered that I couldn’t stop laughing. The giggles started and then?—”
“She peed her pants,” Tori said.
“I did not pee my pants,” Cami yelled. “A little bit of pee came out and?—”
“She had to wrap herself in towels from Acevedo’s bathroom,” Tori said. “At this point, we’ve broken some priceless geological artifact, stolen some very nice towels, and probably left a small puddle on the floor. The only thing we could do was run for it.”
I ran a hand down my face. “Oh my god.”
“It gets worse,” Cami said.
“How? How is that remotely possible?” I asked.
“We make it to my car and my body is surrendering to the dairy. The fight is over. It sounds like there’s a rockslide plowing through my intestines. I’m cold-sweating. Cramps like a sinking ship. My hands are shaking. I’m not sure I can do anything but go straight home,” Tori said.
“It was tense inside the vehicle,” Reza said. “I don’t drive and Cami was intoxicated. We agreed it would be best to go to Tori’s apartment and then find our own transportation from there.”
“We turn on the headlights to leave and there you are with Dr. Aldritch,” Tori said, her back still turned to us. “Honestly, I’m not sure it even registered. My only objective was minimizing the fallout.”
“We drove off,” Cami said, “but only made it a few blocks.”
