“I never said anything like that!”
“You didn’tnotsay it.” Another cackle as she worked conditioner into my hair. “He is whole-ass overboard though.”
“He likes getting his way,” I said rather than addressing any element of Beck falling over anything for me. After last night, I knew that was not the case. “It’s part of his whole bossy bossman bridge troll thing.”
She hummed. “I might be hypothesizing a little too hard but I get the sense that if you’d told him y’all were just hanging out and it was temporary, separate from any discussion of his plans, he’d probably upend the entire world to make it permanent with you.”
“I don’t know. I think he’s just trying to figure out his feelings. It’s been a roller coaster, you know? Everything with his parents and the oyster company and the accident—well, it’s a lot. It’s catching up with him and this just got more complicated than he expected. Or less complicated. I don’t know. That’s why I need you to agree with me about everything.”
“Another hypothesis: it must be hard for him to expand past his usual grimace,” she said. “He’s so focused and task-oriented, and experiences what—three? Four emotions in a given day? All of which could be described with a blue frowny face. And then you show up and—bam! Big feelings bonanza. Feels of all colors.”
“Yeah. I can see that.”
“If you think about the way his grumpy little brain works, he probably needed you to give him a huge reaction to the incredibly obvious news that he wouldn’t be staying here forever.”
I laughed. “And why would he need that?”
“Because, subconsciously, he wanted to know how much you value this relationship, and by extension, him. In that sense, telling him that you knew and weren’t worried because it’s just casual must’ve landed like a kick in the shins. I know he didn’t see it coming because he loves you too much to consciously blow shit up like that. That boy willfully works our counter just for a chance to talk to you.”
I groaned as she squeezed water from my hair.
“He is in love with you.” Her tone made it clear she wasn’t about to repeat herself and I wasn’t allowed to misunderstand. “Everyone can see it. We all know. The two of you are the only ones in the dark about it.”
“Yes, well, please allow me to keep on living in my ignorant bliss,” I said. “At least until I’ve finished requiring you to be on my side about last night.”
“If I’m anywhere, it’s on your side.”
“Thanks,” I said, the pout thick in my voice. “You know, you are astoundingly good at breaking down other people’s relationship problems.”
“Yes, it is one of my better qualities. I’m an expert on everyone else’s love lives while having no desire whatsoever to have a love life of my own,” she mused, helping me up from the bathroom floor. “Maybe he was fucking it up because he’s the type who doesn’t trust a good thing. It’s not the best sign of secure attachment or healthy adjustment but who even is secure or adjusted these days? In this economy?”
“There is no such thing as healthy adjustment anymore. We’re all carrying around reusable grocery bags of trauma simply as a product of being alive in this world and pretending everything is fine.” Muffy motioned to the closed toilet lid with a comb. I went obediently. “And that’s just the basics of existing. It doesn’t even figure in the junk we pick up all on our own.”
“That must be a personal problem because I don’t have any junk,” she replied. “I’m the model of mental health. I’m pristine.”
“Of course. My bad. I must’ve mistaken you for my other best friend, the one with a wardrobe composed entirely of overalls, and a giant, burned-out hole where her life as a rising star chef in New York City used to be.”
“What a shame. She sounds fascinating.”
“Oh, she’s the tits. You’d love her.”
“Now, about that Beck. What are you going to do there now that you’ve possibly-accidentally shattered his tender ego and bruised his beastly little heart? Or are we going to let him marinate in his moody, broody funk because you did zero-point-zero things wrong in that situation and you don’t have to fix his feelings for him.”
“I’m not sure,” I admitted. “I know he’s a big softie under the scowl-and-growl but sometimes I think there’s more. Like maybe he needs to have someone onhisside for once.”
“What do you mean?” She tapped the crown of my head with the comb. “Before you answer that, what are we doing with all this hair, Rapunzel? Are you good with a top knot?”
“A top knot would be perfect,” I said. “I mean he’s the one always showing up for everyone else. You wouldn’t believe the amount of time and money he’s dropped into helping his parents. And he’s looking after Parker and taking care of the oyster bar—he’s put his entire life on hold. But who shows up for him?” I shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t know if that’s the answer to anything.”
Muffy started gathering my hair in a loose tail. “You’re a big softie too and you invest a lot of emotional energy in people. It’s why everyone loves you. But I don’t want you investing everything in him if he has one foot out the door and can’t make heads or tails of his feelings.”
When Beck arrived, it was obvious to everyone that he was surprised to find Muffy here but he slipped into easy conversation about the café without missing a beat and she went right along with it.
Once again, I appreciated the hell out of Muffy.
I hugged Beck when it was the two of us and I allowed him to fuss over me before leaving to go to my doctor’s appointment. I reached for his hand when he started the car and I let him kiss my knuckles and hold my hand to his chest while he drove. Everything fell into place and I could breathe again.
“The police department called this morning,” I said. “They wanted me to know they’re still working on the case but didn’t have any updates yet. Apparently they’re going door-to-door on that street, you know, the one that crosses the bike path? They’re asking people if they have any home surveillance that might’ve caught something.”
