"For the record, that was my mother. Not me." Magnolia glanced to me. "We were there for my final fitting. There were dresses everywhere. It's not like I planned to put Zelda in a dressing room but it worked out well. She doesn't have to find a dress now. Cross that off the wedding planning list."
Zelda made a checkmark in the air. "One less thing to worry about."
The waiter sidled up to the table to take our orders. While the other women requested Caesar salads without anchovies and an order of fries for the table, I planned my pivot. Linden and I could not be the subject of this lunch and we couldn't make it all about me either. God, no.
When the waiter stepped away, I shifted toward Zelda. "You have the dress. Do y'all have a date?"
She bobbed her head as she reached for the bread basket. "No, I'm a super huge problem child when it comes to setting a date. My field work schedule—I'm in grad school, by the way—is up in the air for a few more months. I have a good idea what the next year or two will look like but I can't commit to anything until it's finalized."
"Ash is going to carry you off to Lake Tahoe some weekend and elope," Magnolia said. "Unless he's already done it."
"I can promise you he has not carried me off to Tahoe yet," Zelda replied. "Mentioned it, yes. Hasn't done it."
Magnolia glanced to me. "He'll do it. His patience wouldn't fill a shot glass."
Zelda shook her head in a patient, conciliatory kind of way that seemed to suggest Magnolia knew an awful lot about her brother—but not everything. "I'm not sure I'd say that," she said, her attention again fixed on the bread. "He wants the big party of a wedding."
"You could have a big engagement party," Magnolia said. "Then go elope."
"He wants a big party for a wedding," Zelda replied gently.
"What do you want?" I asked.
She gave me a quick shrug. "I don't have too many priorities. I just want to end up married." She reached over, patted my forearm. "The party and the whole big event, they don't occur to me as things I'd want because I've never had parties just for me. That's why I defer to Ash. He thinks we deserve a special day to celebrate with our friends and family, and I have to remind myself he's right. He's right and weshouldwait until we can set a date because it wouldn't be the same without the celebration."
I found myself staring at her, slightly dazed, as I worked through those words. Then, without any consideration whatsoever, I admitted, "I haven't had many parties either."
"Then you understand," Zelda said, her hand still fixed on my forearm. "You know how odd it is to plan something big and grand just for yourself."
"I'm not sure I could."
She smiled, saying, "That's where Ash comes in. If I tell myself it's for him—and he reminds me it's forus—I can get past the awkwardness of doing something that tends to feel deeply selfish."
"It's easier to help other people be selfish," I murmured.
She gave a sage nod. "It is but that doesn't make it right."
It was my turn to reply with the knowing nod. "It's hardly ever right."
She glanced away for a second, as if she was considering her next comment. "I know we barely know each other and you're experiencing many shifts in your life"—I snorted out a laugh at that—"so I hope it's not inappropriate for me to say I'm happy you're here. I'm happy you've come into Linden's life but ours too." She gestured across the table to Magnolia. "I hope we get to have many more days like this one."
"What she said," Magnolia added. "I hope we get more of this too. I already know that once these babies are born, I'm going to need some moments away from all the boys in my life, even if I am wildly obsessed with them."
"Yes, that. Even if you're wildly obsessed with someone, you need time away from them too. The past year has taught me that it's important to have friends outside of relationships, outside of grad school," Zelda said. "I love my grad school crew, they're great, we can talk for hours. But my life has many facets and the people I spend time with should be reflective of that. I can't throw myself all in one direction and still expect to feel whole."
I leaned a bit closer to her. "Could you say that again?"
"I just realized that I need to account for the dimensions in my life," she said. "When I started grad school last fall, I met all these wonderful people. Really, the best people. Though they're all about that one thing, and our relationships, even the best ones, are all about that one thing. I love that I have a community because I didn't know many people when school started and they helped me feel like I belonged somewhere—"
"And me. I helped," Magnolia said.
"That's what I'm getting at," Zelda said with a motion toward her future sister-in-law. "I had an amazing connection to Magnolia and Ash's family, who made me feel so welcome and loved. And then there were Magnolia's friends, who were like an extra special bonus of connection. I mean, Erin Walsh and Alex Emmerling are some of my favorite people in this entire city. I can't believe I get to know them."
"You'll meet them," Magnolia said to me. "You'll love Shannon Halsted and Lauren Halsted-Walsh. Andy Asani too."
I didn't know who any of these people were but I nodded, saying, "I can't wait."
"I had all these glorious people," Zelda continued, "and I had my school connections, who made me feel like part of the academic community. I'd missed that for years. But I know I can't let school or any one thing become my entire existence. School will end and I'll be forced to start over again because we all know that relationships formed around that one thing rarely last beyond those structures. I have a camp friend from forever ago but that's the exception, you know?"
