And now my heart was able to beat semi-normally again.
We stepped into the diner and I steered Zelda toward a booth in the corner. If nothing else, this location offered a great vantage point for prime people watching. If I fucked this up any further, we had a city full of people to stare at instead of each other.
Zelda plucked a menu from the metal holder near the window. She read each item listed as if she was studying up for an exam and ignoring my entire existence in the process.
I probably deserved that.
No, I definitely deserved it.
I didn't know why I had to be an asshole all the time.
Once again, no. That wasn't true. I was an asshole because I couldn't cope with anyone taking control away from me. But I wasn't on a maniacal power trip. That wasn't it at all.
I didn't like offloading responsibilities on anyone and more often than not, I was the one collecting responsibilities from them. It used to be sheepdogging my siblings, now it was sheepdogging Dad and his clients. And I didn't trust anyone else with these tasks because I was the only one who'd care about my family the way I did. Even when I was at war with my father, even when Lin and Magnolia didn't need me herding them anymore.
I was an asshole because no one could care about these people the way I did.
Except for Zelda.
Maybe. Possibly.
Probably.
I'd meant to open with this admission but she beat me to it, saying, "There are zero circumstances in which you are allowed to use the things you deem weaknesses as leverage against me in a disagreement. You've done it twice and I'm telling you there won't be a third time."
"I know. I should've—"
She held up a hand, tipped her head to the side, closed her eyes. "I'm not finished."
I slumped back against the booth. "I'm sorry."
She laced her fingers together on the table. "If you actually think I am incapable of doing this work—and not because you've permanently flipped your Control Freak Boss switch toyes—then we need to end things."
According to the pressure in my chest, I was now running wind sprints. "No, Zelda. That's not—"
"I'm. Not. Finished. Yet." She leveled me with a glare I'd swear was cold enough to freeze vodka. "I can help you, Ash, and Iwantto help you. But I'm not going to continue playing this game where you allow me to make some progress only to shut it all down when you see your autonomy slipping and you choke."
I'd never had my ass handed to me with quite so much specificity before.
The waitress appeared while I was busy recovering from that blow. We rattled off our orders—an omelet for me, a little of everything for Zelda. Then we were alone again.
"You're thinking a lot of thoughts right now." She gathered the menus, tapped them on the table. "It's okay if you don't know which order to put them in or how to use them. You don't have to do any of that tonight. You have two weeks until anything really changes and by then, I'll have a worthy replacement on hand to smooth the transition." She returned the menus to their holder. "Now I'm finished."
I had to work at keeping myself seated in the booth and not snatching those words from the air and shoving them away. All I could do was rub a hand over my forehead. "I'm not accepting your resignation."
It was the wrong tack to take first but I did anyway. Why start helping myself now?
"I'll find you someone who knows a bit more about your line of work," she offered.
"I don't want someone else," I replied with all the asshole arrogance I had in me. Which was a lot. "I want to hear about this plan of yours. The great caper you tried to pull off while I was out of the office today."
That brought an inkling of a smile to her beautiful face. "You can't handle my plan."
"Ican't handle the plan?" I shot back in my best Jack Nicholson voice. "Youcan't handle the plan. This whole plan is out of order."
Laughter shook through Zelda as she buried her face in her hands. "I'm trying very hard to set limits with you but then you decide to be cute and funny and adorable, and now my very serious conversation is shot to hell."
I pried her hands away and held them in mine. "I fucked up today, Zelda. Fucked it all up."
