I didn't say it out loud but as I studied her mismatched eyes and the strands of blue woven through her dark hair, I wondered where those words came from. I'd never spoken them to a romantic partner before, never came close to it. Yet every time Zelda asked me for some confirmation of my intentions, a promise to be less of a jackass where she was concerned, I responded with more certainty and affection than I believed I possessed. I leaned into it. I took another step on shaky ground because I'd already blown up my relationship with my father and my world was a fresh mess andI wanted her. That was it—I wanted Zelda in every possible way, for as long as possible. And here, with her back against the tree and my palm sliding down her thigh and her hands clawing at me, I dipped my head to taste the sweet spot on her neck and said, "I think everything of you."
"You think I'm an evil genius," she whispered as she drove her fingers through my hair. God, I loved that. "Somehow I've never heard that one before."
"Adorableevil genius," I said, punctuating each word with a kiss to her neck. "What if you've never heard it because not everyone can see it?"
I leaned back, watching as Zelda considered this. I couldn't explain the reasoning but I needed her to agree with me on this. I needed to be the one who saw her because she saw me too and it was both distressing and incredible.
She raked her fingernails over the nape of my neck and scalp as she stared at me, a glint in her eyes that appeared cautious. A moment loaded with all the things we didn't say passed before she ran her tongue over her top lip. Then, "I'm happy that family wasn't seated together. I'm happy I yelled at you too. And I wish you hadn't been injured but I liked being the person who took care of you. I'd do it all again."
I did the only reasonable thing and sealed my lips to Zelda's as I thrust my aching shaft against the heart of her. I hitched her knee to my waist and there was no confusion about my intentions. I wanted her—and I wanted that thought building between her legs until I got her behind closed doors again. It was the most brazen, shameless thing I'd done in this hideout—or anywhere—in at least twenty years.
"Promise me you won't freak out later," she whispered. She said this as she hitched her other knee on my waist and fought her way into my mouth with her tongue.
I heard one of her sandals hit the ground, then the other. With her ankles locked at the base of my spine, she urged me closer, squeezing out every bit of air and light until we were as connected as any two fully clothed people could be. This wasn't the first time we'd stolen all of each other's space and blanketed ourselves in vulnerability but this was the first time we did it while accompanied by an abundance of deep-dug truths. "I have no intention of freaking out later. Later involves taking you to bed and hoping to hell you make good on that threat to sleep naked. With me. While I kiss every inch of your adorable evil genius body, if you're amenable to that. Just promise me you won't make any more noise about leaving to stay with strangers on the other side of the city."
Zelda dropped her head back against the tree trunk and a downpour of winged maple seeds fell around us. "Be honest. It was the pancake sandwich that sold you."
I shook my head. It wasn't the pancake sandwich. Just as wars weren't launched in response to a single incident but a progressive mounting of tension and shows of aggression, neither was love. "Quiet now, love. Let me have you. Let me keep you."
15
Zelda
FollowingAsh out the back door and into the yard after overhearing that argument wasn't an option. I had to go and I didn't question whether he'd want my presence. Ducking out in the middle of a conversation with Diana and Magnolia about the ice cream sandwich bar planned for the wedding's after-party wasn't the best show of manners but I hoped they'd understand.
He'd been a walking pile of rubble, a man demolished, and for the first time since he'd curled up on my shoulder and slept, I believed he neededmerather than any warm body offering comfort.
I'd heard almost everything Ash and his father Carlo said and it nearly killed me to stay put in the kitchen. There was no way I could've allowed him to escape into the yard alone after that. I couldn't do that to him, not when I knew the dirty secrets he didn't want to share.
All along, I'd suspected he was proving himself to someone who'd convinced him he wasn't enough of something. Now I'd identified the who and the what.
Knowing Ash—because yeah, we did know each other in a thorough, inexplicable way—I didn't expect he'd take to kicking rocks or bloodying his knuckles on tree trunks or even screaming profanity into the woods. But I hadn't anticipated finding him so thoroughly lost, as if there was nowhere for him to go. And I hadn't anticipated the blistering firebolt of need lancing through me when we'd kissed.
In this thicket of unexpected, the biggest one I hadn't seen coming was my insistence he play fair if he was certain he wanted toplaywith me. I'd never set boundaries like that before or held firm to them when going with the flow was always the most serviceable, obvious solution.
Perhaps growing and healing was nothing more than making one right choice after another, even when those choices felt like the opposite of everything I'd always done.
Also, allowing my casually controlling boss-roommate-snuggle-buddy to pin me to a tree and kiss me like our lives depended on it was a completely right choice.
"Your mother is going to be wondering where we are," I managed between kisses.
"We could leave now. Just sneak out the side and go. They won't even notice. Magnolia is the main attraction this month."
"Mmm-mmm," I murmured, the only disagreement I could manage with his tongue in my mouth. "I think they'd notice."
"If anyone's waiting for us, my mother would ring the—" Right on cue, the clang of a bell broke the woodsy silence."Fuck."
I wrapped my arms around Ash's shoulders when he dropped his head to my chest. "That sounds like a chuck wagon bell."
"It is," he said to my breast. "When we were kids, my mother never wanted to holler out the door for us to come in. Then she found the bell."
When Ash kept his head down and my legs locked around his waist, making no movement whatsoever, I asked, "How about it? Ready to go back in there?"
After an exaggerated sigh, he eased me down to my feet, wincing as he shook out his injured arm. "It's nothing," he said before I could ask. "It's fine."
While I smoothed my skirt and tucked my shirt back in, I glanced around the sheltered space. Gesturing toward the far end of this alcove, I asked, "Is that what I think it is?"
Ash turned, looking in the direction I pointed. Then he belted out a deep laugh. "If you're thinking it's my mother's secret herb garden, it is."
