Annette:So, you admit you're concerned for his feelings?
Brooke:I admit I'm going to slap you in the boob the next time I see you.
Annette:That might sound like a threat to you, but my boobs are nice and fatty. That would be like slapping a loaf of pumpkin bread.
Brooke:Even if I set the circumstances of the invitation aside, I'd like to point out that the whole night was awkward as fuck.
Annette:It was not.
Brooke:The only way it could've been more awkward would be if you'd spoken through a hand puppet or if I'd revealed to Jackson that you do, in fact, poop.
Annette:Now you're just being ridiculous.
Brooke:Perhaps if you'd massaged Jackson's balls under the table, but did it without trying to be covert. That would've knocked up the awkward factor.
Annette:Considering I did that for no less than 15 minutes, I must've been too covert.
Annette:Or, maybe—and hear me out—you're seeing this through hot pink, heart-shaped, self-centered lenses.
Brooke:Of course I'm being self-centered. It's what I do best. I'm a princess, apparently.
Annette:What I'm saying is you're seeing this from a perspective that doesn't match up with reality.
Brooke:Pardon you and your suggestions of my looming insanity.
Annette:I'm trying to figure out where you diverged from that reality. Was it the high school conversation?
Brooke:Fucking high school. Reason #841 why coming home isn't nearly as good as the movies make it seem.
Annette:I'm taking that as a yes.
Brooke:I never realized people regarded me that way.
Annette:I think you're hearing it differently than we're saying it.
Brooke:We're talking about six of one and a half dozen of another, my dear.
Annette:What about JJ's world travels? Did that push you into the hot pink zone?
Brooke:Why the fucking fuck didn't you tell me any of that? I thought you were my wingwoman. You sent me in blind!
Annette:If you'd given me any notice that you planned on going in, I would've provided you with the most current details.
Annette:But as it turned out, you went in without your wingwoman and decided to fly solo for months.
Brooke:You could've mentioned it during any of our conversations we've had in the past two years about the people in this town.
Annette:Is that how long you've been yearning for him?
Brooke:Oh my prickly pussy, Annette, I don't yearn for anyone.
Annette:You know exactly what I mean and I'm pretty sure you confirmed my suspicions.
Brooke:That I've had a burning desire for JJ Harniczek since I returned to this pastoral hamlet? On the contrary, that burning was from a bladder infection. Some cranberry juice and antibiotics, and I'm good as new. Nothing on fire here.
Annette:Mmhmm.
Brooke:Don't do that.
