Brooke:We can look at this a few different ways.
Annette:Which is why I love you.
Brooke:First, certain positions can be noisier. That has nothing to do with you or him or anything other than the acrobatics.
Annette:It's never happened in that position before.
Brooke:Which brings me to my second point. Maybe Jackson has a really big dick and it just…you know…forces a lot of air in there.
Annette:It's his fault?
Brooke:Why the fuck not?
Brooke:But why does it have to be anyone's fault? All kinds of horrible things happen during sex.
Annette:Examples, please.
Brooke:I've done all of these things during sex: cut myself on a guy's gnarly toenail and bled all over his sheets, punched a guy in the nose, forgotten about a tampon, elbowed a guy in the eye, started my period, puked in a guy's lap because his dick smelled like a sewer, and peed the bed.
Annette:You peed the bed?
Brooke:I know, I know. I was young and I didn't know how to get up and go to the bathroom in the morning without waking the guy.
Annette:So…you peed the bed?!?
Brooke:No, I stayed in bed and held it. But then he woke up and wanted to have sex. Again, I was young. Like, 21. And I figured it was fine, I'd pee later.
Annette:But that wasn't how it worked out, huh?
Brooke:Nope. In the middle of sex, peed the bed. I told him it was some special girly juice from him being super good at sex.
Annette:Did he believe that?
Brooke:Sadly, yes.
Annette:That toenail story was disgusting.
Brooke:You don't even know. I insisted on getting a tetanus shot.
Annette:The most awful thing to happen to me during sex was this morning.
Brooke:You see? It wasn't that bad.
Annette:You say that but I'm still convinced it was pretty bad. It was explosive. Vagina cannon, I tell you.
Brooke:Perhaps you have a wide-set vagina. That, coupled with the really big dick and the position, could set the stage for a vagina cannon moment.
Annette:We're just going to blame Jackson, okay?
Brooke:Remember you're having good morning sex and I'm not, okay?
* * *
January
Annette:I want to redecorate the back room at the shop. It's really dreary and boring in there.
Brooke:You're just noticing this now?
