Magnolia: No, but you sounded sad.
Rob: I'm not sad. A little sentimental over my dumb fool youth but no, I don't miss the nose ring.
Rob: Neither do my parents.
Magnolia: 3 – I've been wondering about this since the first time we met in person. I'd thought RRRooster441 was just a derpy handle but your belt buckle had RRR engraved on it that day so…what's your middle name, Rob Russo?
Rob: It was really nice knowing you.
Magnolia: What? You won't tell me?
Rob: I'm concerned about the fallout, to be honest. It's a good thing I'm going to be on the West Coast all of next week. I won't be tempted to show up at your house and blast some Peter Gabriel.
Magnolia: It can't be that bad. You should tell me.
Rob: It's Richard.
Magnolia: Okay, so…?
Magnolia: Oh my god, it's Dick. Your middle name is DICK. That explains so much!
Rob: Yep.
Magnolia: The Dick. It's you.
Rob: I've been trying to tell you this since the start.
Magnolia: Yes, but this is next level, my friend.
Rob: Any other questions?
Magnolia: I'm fresh out of them. Thank you for indulging me.
Rob: Can I invite myself to your bed now?
Magnolia: No dick.
Rob: I'm going to spend the next 5 hours analyzing the fuck out of that response.
Magnolia: Have so much fun!
Magnolia: DICK! Oh my god. I can't believe how perfect that is.
Chapter Twenty-Five
My date was agonizingover orange.
"I just don't know," my mother said with an excessively long sigh. "Do these clash? I'd hate for them to clash."
She held up the nail polish bottles, one in tangerine and another in raspberry, for my review.
"I don't think you need to worry about your toes clashing with your fingers," I said. "They're far enough apart." I gave her the shrug born in adolescence and reserved for the mothers of daughters.
"I think you should worry a little more. Men like it when women are put together and that includes a coordinated mani-pedi."
"Do they now?" I asked, incredulous. My mother wasn't one to espouse such antiquated values.
"They do. It's the little things that matter," she said. "They also like when women wear heels."
